Reflections from across the Causeway

Hi there! i'm now in Singapore to further my studies over at NUS, and have been here since last Saturday, making it a week since i've touched down in Changi.

it's only been one week, but i m struck by the differences between SG and MS - for one thing, the road signs are mostly in English and there are hordes more Chinese (whether from Mainland China or Singaporeans). i have been mistaken as Korean, Japanese and even Singaporean. but i am very much Malaysian, thank you! :D

2 more days more to classes starting - and i find i m starting to miss (in no particular order):-

1. my family
2. my friends, particularly my CG - Star of the Sea Starries. so happy to have met Grace up today ... squeee
3. my trusty MyVi
4. my printer
5. Bible study
6.Malaysian food, dammit. SG food can never compare, esp regards Chee Cheong Fun and Hor Fun. Chicken rice here still ok. Nasi Lemak and Rendang.

i m not weeping here, but am a wee bit melancholic amidst all the action.

well, once classes kick in, i'll have no time at all to mope :P

the petrina7 MicroUniverse is now 7 YEARS OLD!

yes, you heard right. it's now officially 7 years old, this blog of mine. :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A PLACE WHICH HAS BORNE WITNESS TO SO MANY MEMORIES.

happy ones like graduation and good times with family and friends. the genting road trip. the penang road trip. the UK Commonwealth Moot experience. Sekinchan and photography. eating different kinds of good food. :)

silly ones like the time we tried to break into the faculty after being locked out by the 'pak guard' about half past midnight. (no we didn't end up breaking in, i was still figuring out how to climb through the tiny window when the guard came back). or my nose on fire after i ate some free RUSKY instant noodles which were too spicy and which i swallowed too fast. almost knocking down a traffic policeman.

introspective ones. ... starting out in the working world. changing jobs. dealing with the end of something i hoped for and longed to cherish. CW. missing someone to pieces. heartbreak. poems of loss and sorrow. the Mamak Stall Messenger. Firebird.

spiritual ones. drawing closer to God and coming to trust in Him more and more. even when it was painful and difficult. understanding what community means.

now i love you, my dearest friends. and i love you beloved family members.
and i love you too - my little space on the Net where i have met bearers of hope, joy and courage amongst others.

here's to many more years of honest writing. i may not be eloquent or articulate; don't come here for facts or hard analysis but for a piece of heart and feeling from the depths within.

to all my readers, thank you. your presence has helped me somewhat.

updates / the truth / gym or bust?

i suddenly realised i haven't actually been updating any readers here of what's been going on in my life so far.
dear readers, i am still alive. naturally. it's just the difference between existing and living ... :P
April sets to be an exciting month as i :

1. attend 2 courses in Bangi. you won't believe it. one is on MS Word, and the other on blog site investigations. well, all knowledge, no matter how obscure, is welcomed.

2. attend 2 weddings, one in Christian Life Centre (Tina and Joshua) and the other in St Ignatius Church (Vikram and Marietta)
- alamak, still haven't got sandals for my dress. shawl clutch etc all more or less settled! >.< -

3. write a special blogpost to commemorate the petrina7 MicroUniverse turning 7 :D
(can't believe it's been that long since i started out, back in April 03. this site has seen me through so much)

4. celebrate Easter Sunday -this Lent has really been Lent. too many temptations and faults and sins. come Good Friday to Easter Vigil to the glory of the Resurrection on Easter Sunday :)

5. graduate from Quick Journey Through the Bible. hehe.

6. celebrate my grandma's 88th birthday in Ipoh. 19th April here i come!

7. pay my taxes. bummer. i just remembered. but maybe the govt will pay me my tax rebates? [twinkly eyed and hopeful]

chock full of things to do. i m tingly with excitement (except item no.7) ... and i need to go shopping! yippykayyay.

***

be unafraid of the truth. it will set you free.
and if the truth tells you that you're carrying a lot of emotional baggage, and being hard and unforgiving and bitter, what do you do?
you turn to the Merciful and Compassionate one, and draw on His grace and strength.
and in recognising just how poor you are, you begin to see the wealth in His blessings and His gifts to see you through the days.

***

gym or bust?
true fitness ... hmmm...
without saying too much, i m not about to enter into a contract that is incomplete.
and fitness first? i have my doubts. and memories of poor service and snobby/rude personal trainers stalking around.
where does that leave me?
i remember Fr Simon's advice about channeling my energies ... i'm still finding that suitable channel. it would be a pity to let this go to waste, and end up eating me up from the inside.
will keep you all posted.

of World War II and my grandfather

me, my grandfather and my grandmother (my 2 favouritest old folks in the world)

i was watching the History Channel just now, and they were airing a documentary on Pearl Harbour and the Japanese invasion of the USA, which marked the start of World War II.

instantly i was reminded of my grandfather- the history buff. the sheer number of books at home on World War II and the Japanese invasion, especially of Malaya was stupendous. there's a whole cupboard full of them and i've only read a few of them up to now. the one on General Hideki Tojo was a bit harder to finish...now that i m older, i don't think i have the excuse of youthful folly or impatience.

it was my grandfather who first introduced me to the joys of reading history and appreciating what the people in the past had gone through to create a better future. he was full of interesting stories, together with my grandmother the dinner table would come alive! :D

he also taught me to use the dictionary to find out the meaning of words when i was 8 - i remember looking up 'bigot'. in fact, i think the love of reading was passed down from him to my mother to me! building on his 'library' (really the third room at the back of the house, dubbed 'Lau's Library'), we've added more books and shelves through the ages from the first few ones.

... so it makes me sad to realise again that he's lost almost all his memories. he can't recognise most of us at home, and to know that only the physical being is there most of the time ... i'm trying to be glad i knew him during the time before this and that we shared some good times.
i'm who i am today, because of him.

and i go back ever so often to visit my 2 favouritest old folks in the world - the inevitable will happen someday. but before that, i want to hold each moment dearly and embrace it with all my heart.
let's love before it's too late ... !

/edit: i just received news that my colleague's grandmother just passed away yesterday. and right after i had written this post.
i say a requiem for her, and to tell you the truth, i was tearing up too when she broke the news during the meeting this evening. it took all of me not to cry with her and go on with the discussion. :(
take care - i know that you're the hardworking, ultra responsible type of person, but all is in good hands and may your grief lessen with time.

fatih community / Sekinchan on Wesak Day/ Mother's Day

i was at our weekly BEC meeting at Andrew and Val's house when the importance of belonging to a faith community struck me.
it had always been my perception that faith is a purely individualistic matter wherein one had a relationship with God and that relationship was a private affair.
the worship in church appeared to be community based, but to me, often translated into each of us praying in our own way, stuck in our own circles of concern and worries.

so imagine my surprise when i found myself belonging to a BEC group, meeting with them and praying together and reading the Bible together. i've become more open about what i am facing, the difficulties i have in my spiritual and daily life and especially who i am.

faith does not grow alone, it grows in a community. my BEC group has helped me to see problems in a different light, to make new friends, to understand that others struggle too, and we help each other in our struggles, and to be happier and more fulfilled person.

i am far from perfect, but i realise that milestones on the path of understanding and enlightenment should be celebrated. including the realisation that i am not alone and God helps my faith grow through my friendships and sharings with like-minded and kind people.

to Star of the Sea folks - i love you guys! :)

***
Wesak Day rocked - Tina and i went to Sekinchan, Selangor for a photography expedition in lieu of the planned hiking trip to FRIM which had to be shelved as the canopy walk there was closed.

we had a quick breakfast and then drove off to Sekinchan via the long and winding trunk road, passing places like Kuala Selangor, Assam Jawa and Ijok (which reminded me of the by-election there).

finally we reached the paddy fields of Sekinchan. Tina was armed with her DSLR and tripod (for taking shots and protection purposes - easy to hit someone with the tripod) while i went with my lil digicam.
i had never seen a paddy field up close before, so this was quite an exciting experience. we took shots of the verdant masses of green and yellow, and also a canal to water the fields, reminding us of 'terusan Wan Mat Saman' (the longest such canal in Peninsular Malaysia). poetry ideas were humming in my head as we walked and took shots of what caught our fancy. i gather we walked about 2 plus kilometres there.

we got lots of stares from passing motorcyclists and cyclists and people in cars. well, i suppose it isn't everyday that 2 girls carrying cameras walk about in quiet paddy fields taking pictures. we met an old uncle who demanded to know what was so exciting about the place ...

well, nothing happened in that sense - at least, as Tina put it, in God and in the tripod we trust.

finally after our fill of picture taking, we left for lunch at Kuala Selangor, but not before detouring to Bagan Sekinchan for a few more shots.

lunch was fresh steamed hot and sour fish, stir fried kailan and marmite chicken with rice - well worth the money as the fish was fresh and the chicken juicy and boneless (unlike New Paris' conjob of using bony pieces of chicken for their Marmite chicken dish!)

i returned home in the words of the cliche - tired but happy. we hope to do more urbanex trips in the future, and who knows? i might just take photography up. it intersects rather nicely with my writing.

***

Mother's Day is an excuse for blatant commercialism. that's what my mum and grandma believe in.
if you love your mother, everyday is Mother's Day.

so hell yeah. in contradiction to everything i've seen so far, have a good year ahead, mum and grandma. no references to Mother's Day - just the sincere wish that you have good health, happiness and love everyday.

God bless all mothers everywhere! not just today, but every single day of your lives.

donating blood/ tax season/ Holy Week

i donated blood for the first time last Monday and ... i think i may have overcome that awful needle phobia i had that stopped me from giving blood all this while. like the blood donation poster says, it really shouldn't be an excuse!

it wasn't that scary, and you'll feel a small prick as the needle goes in and your blood starts going out. and i did it by simply not looking when they put in the needle because i couldn't bring myself to see.
the end result was a bag full of my dark-red O+ blood (universal donor, haha) and it gave me a odd but good feeling. remembering that when my grandmother was admitted in the CCU and that someone was kind enough to come forward to give blood which she badly needed, i m hoping that my small contribution would be able to do the same. :)

***

it's tax season. ungggggggggghh. having to locate old receipts and fill up forms and then pay the LHDN money. me no likey, but hey, like Ben Franklin said, it's the only thing certain in life besides death. and so the hunt begins ...

***

Holy Week is next week. wow, it's been so fast, and i feel that this Lent has not been particularly good for me- just how often have i forsaken my fasts and abstinences and fallen prey to temptations. ...
falling is part of being human, but there's an invitation inherent in His extended hand to cooperate with Him to get through this life the right way, come what may. and to believe that my efforts, pitiful and half-hearted, are valued and count for something.
and because i m oh-so-fallible, i remember the same of my fellow humans and try to be a little less judgmental and a little more compassionate.

and on a less serious note, Hot Cross Buns are on sale in SFX ... scrummy! :)

a follow up to 'of stress and suicide'

How do I know someone is harbouring suicidal thoughts?

There are some warning signs you can look out for in your friends or loved ones:

* If they talk or write about hurting or wanting to kill themselves, and this is out of the ordinary for their character

* If they start looking for ways to kill themselves, like seeking access to pills and weapons

* If they feel hopeless or trapped

* If they start acting reckless and engage in risky activities

* If they start increasing their alcohol or drug intake

* If they start withdrawing themselves from family, friends and society

* If they feel anxious, agitated, and have difficulty sleeping all the time

* If they have dramatic mood changes

taken from an article in the Star Health segment today.
i really encourage all of you to read it in full.

it's still one of my wishes to volunteer at the Befrienders ... i remember how my mother stopped me from joining them when i was younger. she told me that i needed much inner strength to actually be able to help.

looking back, i think she was right. when one of us in the throes of emotion, caught up and unable to see reason, then the other must stay sane, calm and rational. it doesn't matter who the person on the other side is, it could be your family, your friends, your colleagues, maybe even your clients or your boss.
this does not apply only to depression or sadness, it also applies to anger and frustration.

i realise that in more ways than one, i have grown since those days when i longed to reach out to the exclusion of everything else. now i see that the process of maturity is something we must go through to truly make a difference. i may not be full grown yet, but i will get there someday as i m slowly being equipped to fulfill my vision.

work and waiting for my call / govt people who annoy me / on turning 25

Hi y'all!

you are cordially invited to my long call to the Bar at Jalan Duta Court - Mahkamah Rayuan dan Perkara-Perkara Pelbagai 1 on July 10th, Thursday at 9 am. please come and give me and Yin Harn your support. :)

if you do come, i heard the nasi lemak at the tea reception is really good, and we can take lots of pictures together. which is one of the fun things to do. finally i will be a LOYAR, not a LOYAR BURUK.

***

govt people who ask me cock things like 'Kau ni lelaki ke perempuan?' and insist on calling me 'Encik' even after i have introduced myself as 'Cik' annoy the living daylights out of me.

i know i have a low voice on the phone. do they want me to sound like Alvin the Chipmunk on helium the next time i call up???

the rudest was the PTPTN lady who asked me what my gender was (see above). i really wanted to retort 'Kau ni betul-betul kurang ajar la.' not to mention the time the IC people asked me if i had considered surgery to make my 'mata sepet' (slit eyes) look bigger. i just told them that i had no money to do so, and even if i had, it was better spent elsewhere. in any event, i told them i m grateful to God for even being able to see in the first place.

***

i'm turning 25 next month! wow. a quarter of a century old. i certainly feel old, given how forgetful i've become and how grumpy i can sometimes get but i still enjoy a good laugh now and then and i like my food and drink. :)
what's more important is figuring out my direction in life and moving towards realising the dreams within me. praying hard that i can make it happen.
'I can do all things through him who strengthens me' -Phil 4:18.

Remember, remember July the 24th,
of birthday, presents and cards,
i see no reason why birthday, presents and cards
should ever be forgot...:)

inspired by V for Vendetta. hehehe. it's P for Petrina!!! again, you've known me for so long, don't tell me you wouldn't know my pre-birthday song by now. and if you've just come on board,
i think my birthday will be extra-meaningful this year because .......
(i will tell you when the time is right. in the meantime, i m happy because ........ ah, i'll also tell you why when the time is right!)

of convocation 2007

convo 2007 was a blast!

and a heartfelt thank you to all of you who came and made it a special day -

to my parents, brother and gf and sister and bro in law and basically everyone at home ... hehehe :)
to all the lecturers,
to all my coursemates - both those whom i got to take a picture with and those whom i didn't manage to, you are in my thoughts and prayers,
to my buddy family - thank you for coming and for the lovely handbag and lilies. i am really touched and we shall make the next gathering one that ROCKS!
to my colleagues from slb - wan san and sarah, i love you both, thank you for coming and supporting each and every one of us, and not forgetting the beautiful gift,
to my 'personal photographer' , tina - thank you also for the 'bujang senang' aka croc which certainly grabbed a lot of attention. :) and for being you!
to my 'konco-konco setiakawan' ins and eliz, thank you for carrying my gifts, flowers, scroll etc, and for making that day possible.

i love all of you!

(just for the anticlimactic touch, i will send you all the photos later ok. promise!)