the Bar and the Tarot cards

Just last night i was at Skybar with some schoolmates post birthday celebs (some of whom i hadn't seen in about 10 years or so!) when one of my schoolmates met a colleague there. this same colleague came over and chatted my friend up with ... a pack of Tarot cards.

no, seriously, he had a pack of Tarot cards in his pouch. Mr. Smooth Talker asked my friend to shuffle some cards and pick a few out, then proceeded to give some super general statements ala the Star daily horoscopes. and he slyly found out whether she was 'seeing someone' too. :P

talk about cheapo weapo pick up tricks. such a transparent maneuver. well, it's left to be seen if there's any follow up on his part. waiting to see!

:P

and you thought "can i buy you a drink?" was bad ...

the BMW i m better off without

yeah. you read that right.

BMW = Bitching Moaning Whining (person/s)

that's the BMW i'm better off without.

you can't call people like that friends. no, with friends like those, who needs enemies?

they keep on complaining about their lot in life, how much work they have to do, how little the firm/company/organisation pays them, how many files are stacked up on their desks, how little life they have compared to the rest of the happening world.
you wouldn't hear them talk about what they're learning or how much they're growing. or even the fact they have a job in these troubled times. and a decent pay cheque. could be better, but so many things too could be better.
don't think you can catch them actually voicing out problems and thinking of solutions. or discussing it with you. no way, it's too wholesome, too productive, too bloody darn healthy.

better to indulge in non luxury BMW. and at the same time, spread their negativity round the office.

trust me, if i had my way, i'd line these people up against a wall and shoot all of them ala firing squad - guilty of spreading their mental poison and killing spirits.

how to be happier? simple. spend less time with such people. in fact, better, don't.

Happy 2010/ the necessity of reason

firstly, Happy 2010 to all the readers of this humble space on the web - thank you for your comments and/or feedback. Here's to making 2010 an even better year than 2009 and realising our fullest potential.

cheers! (raises a toast)

***

recently there have been some tumultous events in the country - events which have brought to the fore strong beliefs and even stronger prejudices. i realise again the necessity of reason in determining the truth, and the objectivity and rationalism must underscore compassion and a willingness to understand the other's point of view. too little is done to actually listen to the other side.

and another point of observation, it is EXTREMELY important how issues are framed. in the mass of words and fears, the actual issues get buried and become the tools of confusion and division.

oh, for more people to think critically! listen and watch out for biases, for ad hominem attacks and the rest. and above all, think. don't not think. you owe that much to yourself. not all that is in print can be trusted, not all that is pixellated published on blogs are truthful, not all that is spoken is worthy of belief.

c'mon, 52 years on, and you still don't want to try?

on education

for many of us, our education culminates in a piece of paper, our degree scroll signifying our entry into one of the fields of work - be it engineering, law, medicine, teaching, management, the starting point of our careers.

but what does it mean, really?

the assurance of success? the compilation of knowledge waiting to meet application in the real world as opposed to the more sheltered world of school?

education is more than that and in its most ideal form, it is a means of opening our hearts and minds to growth and deeper understanding of who we are and what we can give to make our lives and the world at large a better place.
for some, the hard work studying and pursuing a diploma or degree is the method by which they seek to take their family to a higher strata of society and to enjoy a better quality of life.

which is why it becomes a fundamental liberty, guaranteed under the Federal Constitution. it should never become a mere commodity, but a life giving fire to be safeguarded and shared with all who need its warmth and light.
one of the saddest things is to know that a student has the gifts and abilities to excel, but is hindered by factors such as lack of resources or opportunities. why do we deprive our young of what they can do?

which is why also i don't understand why a career in education is sidelined and regarded as less important than engineering, for example. we are who we are today, regardless of what rung of the socio-economic ladder we stand on, because of our teachers. to say they have an easy job with very little responsibilities is to insult the ones who brought you where you are today.

a belated happy teachers' day to all teachers everywhere.
somewhere out there, you have touched someone's life. :)

fatih community / Sekinchan on Wesak Day/ Mother's Day

i was at our weekly BEC meeting at Andrew and Val's house when the importance of belonging to a faith community struck me.
it had always been my perception that faith is a purely individualistic matter wherein one had a relationship with God and that relationship was a private affair.
the worship in church appeared to be community based, but to me, often translated into each of us praying in our own way, stuck in our own circles of concern and worries.

so imagine my surprise when i found myself belonging to a BEC group, meeting with them and praying together and reading the Bible together. i've become more open about what i am facing, the difficulties i have in my spiritual and daily life and especially who i am.

faith does not grow alone, it grows in a community. my BEC group has helped me to see problems in a different light, to make new friends, to understand that others struggle too, and we help each other in our struggles, and to be happier and more fulfilled person.

i am far from perfect, but i realise that milestones on the path of understanding and enlightenment should be celebrated. including the realisation that i am not alone and God helps my faith grow through my friendships and sharings with like-minded and kind people.

to Star of the Sea folks - i love you guys! :)

***
Wesak Day rocked - Tina and i went to Sekinchan, Selangor for a photography expedition in lieu of the planned hiking trip to FRIM which had to be shelved as the canopy walk there was closed.

we had a quick breakfast and then drove off to Sekinchan via the long and winding trunk road, passing places like Kuala Selangor, Assam Jawa and Ijok (which reminded me of the by-election there).

finally we reached the paddy fields of Sekinchan. Tina was armed with her DSLR and tripod (for taking shots and protection purposes - easy to hit someone with the tripod) while i went with my lil digicam.
i had never seen a paddy field up close before, so this was quite an exciting experience. we took shots of the verdant masses of green and yellow, and also a canal to water the fields, reminding us of 'terusan Wan Mat Saman' (the longest such canal in Peninsular Malaysia). poetry ideas were humming in my head as we walked and took shots of what caught our fancy. i gather we walked about 2 plus kilometres there.

we got lots of stares from passing motorcyclists and cyclists and people in cars. well, i suppose it isn't everyday that 2 girls carrying cameras walk about in quiet paddy fields taking pictures. we met an old uncle who demanded to know what was so exciting about the place ...

well, nothing happened in that sense - at least, as Tina put it, in God and in the tripod we trust.

finally after our fill of picture taking, we left for lunch at Kuala Selangor, but not before detouring to Bagan Sekinchan for a few more shots.

lunch was fresh steamed hot and sour fish, stir fried kailan and marmite chicken with rice - well worth the money as the fish was fresh and the chicken juicy and boneless (unlike New Paris' conjob of using bony pieces of chicken for their Marmite chicken dish!)

i returned home in the words of the cliche - tired but happy. we hope to do more urbanex trips in the future, and who knows? i might just take photography up. it intersects rather nicely with my writing.

***

Mother's Day is an excuse for blatant commercialism. that's what my mum and grandma believe in.
if you love your mother, everyday is Mother's Day.

so hell yeah. in contradiction to everything i've seen so far, have a good year ahead, mum and grandma. no references to Mother's Day - just the sincere wish that you have good health, happiness and love everyday.

God bless all mothers everywhere! not just today, but every single day of your lives.

Owning your body

What does it mean to own your body?

Yes, to claim ownership over the physical self you have been given by God at the moment of conception.
not to be subject to the judgments and condemnations that you yourself or more often, others heap upon you.

it's not an easy concept to explain.

but i believe that ownership of your body begins when you look at the mirror and realise that love it or loathe it - the lack of curves or too many curves and the flat chest or the full bodied chest, the body is yours. you can't trade it away or give it away, and certainly you carry it around with you. everyday. all the time.
and you make a choice to take full responsibility for it, and to care for it by protecting it from unwholesome judgments and unreasonable expectations, either from yourself or from the rest of the world.

looking back, i remember turbulent times when i was grossly overweight or to put it medically, obese. without descending into the gory details,i recall low moments of utter self-hatred and a feeling of slow sluggishness caused by bouts of said self-hate and drowning myself in too much food. way too much food.

while i still am overweight now, there are curves where there weren't any before, and i can buy a wider range of clothes.
one of the biggest changes i found in myself of late was in wanting to own my body, coming to love it and wanting it to be healthy and strong. not sluggish, slow and lazy.

owning my body meant deciding to make sensible food choices, to choose stir-fried over deep fried, soupy noodles over Hokkien fried noodles, plain over sugary, vegetables and tofu over meat, oats over nasi lemak.

it also meant taking a commitment to exercise and to ramp up physical activity more seriously. not to give it the sort of lip service once a year exercisers do. trying out new exercises and new machines in the gym which i used to be afraid of gave me a sense of accomplishment and confidence in varying my usual gym routine.

there are relapses, and i have binged eaten more times than i care to remember. but in every relapse, i remember that this body is mine, and i care for it and love it for all it has given me and continue to give.

nobody can tell you this - you have to believe it first. i'm still miles away from my target optimum weight, but at least it's a goal in sight, not something i never even dreamed of being able to achieve.

so own your body. love it. listen to it, and it will tell you when it's really hungry and when you are stressed, unhappy and need some other form of comfort.

dieting books will give you all kinds of advice, and i m not really qualified to comment, but my two sens' worth is take the sensible and above all, own your body. the change doesn't begin outside, it begins in your mind.

of bullying and suicide

“My feeling was the childrens’ mental health service was so short-staffed they were only too ready to pass him on to adult services, although emotionally, he was much younger.

“We were told he did not tick the right boxes.”

So said Linda Jones, mother of the late Matthew Jones, a British teenager who committed suicide recently by gas inhalation, after announcing his chosen method of suicide on an online chat forum.

(read the full article here)

When I first read this article, my first thought was that of how much Matthew Jones must have suffered to drive him to commit suicide.

While adolescence is a time of great ups and downs physically, mentally and emotionally, it should not reach such depths so as to drive a teen to take his or her own life.

I understand that although the thrust of this article to is to speak out against the ill-effects of websites which glorify and assist teens in committing suicide, I have chosen today to touch on one of the underlying issues which caused Matthew to take his life – bullying.

Bullying is something we all like to pretend doesn’t exist and when we do acknowledge its existence, we choose to downplay its effects, saying that our children need to toughen up, they need to be less sensitive and more patient with those who cause them physical pain and mental anguish.

What we often fail to realise is how long-lasting these effects are and just how far-reaching they can be because children and adolescents’ make-up is different from adults.They have a less developed sense of perspective and more crucially, their sense of self, their very essence is still being formed. In such circumstances, bullying can cause the self to be malformed and to stunt the growth of our youth, even perhaps having a negative impact on their growth.

As adults, we all long to protect our children, shield them from the negativity which surrounds them. What are the concrete ways in which we can do so?

For a start, we need to take a stand against bullying and speak out against those our abuse our children. We should not shrug our shoulders and in a sense, collude with the bullies. We should be prepared to report the matter to the appropriate authorities and where necessary, take direct action.

Nevertheless, the most effective method is to listen to our children, to take note of their concerns, to hear the unspoken words they long to say to us, hoping we will care and understand. Besides helping them to lodge a report with the right authorities, we need to strengthen our children and give them that confidence and courage to deal with the lesser people in their lives, to assure them that they are indeed, bigger than their circumstances.

We also would need to set a good example for our children – to show them that assertiveness and not aggression is the way forward. When they see with their own eyes that bullying is taking the low road, they will be able to take the high road i.e. adopting a positive and firm approach in their dealings with others.

To this end, we would have done the best for our children. We cannot escape evil, but we can draw upon our collective strength and knowledge and take a stand against it.

I end with a requiem for the late Matthew Jones and pray for his family that they may be able to recover from their grief and pain and take with them the memories of a loving son.

Amen.

of stress and suicide

the figures are alarming - stress and suicide.

the root causes of suicide are manifold, but stress certainly ranks among the most prevalent factors leading to suicide.

indeed, the 2006 National Morbidity Survey showed that 20% of children and 11% of adults had stress-related mental problems and more strikingly, the group aged between 70 and 74 was the group with most stress-related problems (19.5%), followed by those aged between 16 and 19 (14.4%).

there is a wide gap between both groups - with both taking up opposing positions on the age spectrum. nevertheless, a common factor unifying both groups is their relative vulnerability when compared to the young adult and adult age groups.
generally, both age groups have a less-than-viable economic position wherein they have little or no earning power. also, both age groups tend to be emotionally dependent on the young adult and adult age groups.

what are the implications of the above analysis?

it follows that the aged have reached a point where they must retire and depend on both their savings i.e. their retirement funds and their pension. in a perfect system, their pension would be sustainable and give them well-deserved peace of mind while they peacefully enjoy their twilight years. however, in the light of the recent petrol price increase and the spiralling price of food and other essentials, this is no longer the case - leading to stress, anxiety, suicidal thoughts which culminate in suicide.
the young, on the other hand, are in the awkward position where they are still dependent financially on their parents but are feeling the first few signs of desire for greater independence.

the emotional dependence of the aged is vital in understanding their vulnerability. in our formerly close-knit Asian culture where family is paramount, it is not just the lack of love and closeness among family members which can cripple the aged and leave them despairing and despondent. it is also seen as a failure.
for the young, it is the paper chase which wears them down - the singular pursuit of good grades and a lucrative career which brings with it stress, struggles and the link between approval and emotional support.

what is needed, crucially, is support system for these two groups whose struggles are seldom highlighted. the paper is full of stories of JPA would-bes, but how much attention is given to those who fall in between the cracks?

it would pay for the government to provide more counseling services, with emphasis on understanding the issues faced by these age groups. the pension scheme is important, but more so inculcating the values of familial love and support and gratitude to our parents as they age. more retirement homes should not be the answer - in fact, do we need to wait until care for our parents is legislated as it is in Singapore?

at the end of it all, we can do something about this - it involves being more open to our family, friends and society at large, to take note of problems when they surface and to be willing to lend both a listening ear and helping hands.

'nothing happens out of nowhere, it always had a starting point somewhere.'

less than human?

"so, where do you want to go tomorrow?"

"how about klcc?"

"huh? but there's going to be a lot of Banglas and Indons there tomorrow, you know like a whole wave of them."

"so? i don't mind. besides, they've got a right to enjoy themselves too, don't you think?"

"what???!"

"they're just as human as you and i. sometimes i see indonesian maids being treated by their employers as less than human."

***

how do we view and treat migrant workers? as less than human, just another face and body that washes our cars, does our housework for us, pumps petrol for us, works at construction sites? as potential troublemakers and disease-carrying vectors?

or do we see them as being just as human as you and i?

admittedly it's hard to do that when everyday the news brings another story of 'runaway Indon maid' or 'gang of Bangladeshi robbers' ...
but in keeping with what Pope John Paul II talked about when he described solidarity with migrant workers, it's worth learning to see them as being equally human.

in any event, what about employers who mistreat their maids? agencies which go all out to fleece foreigners from distant shores, who have come to seek their end of the rainbow only to find there is no end in sight? can we then claim to be any better than these migrant workers?

it begins with how we look at them. it begins there. from something as small as accepting and allowing migrant workers to go out on a public holiday, to be comfortable in their presence.

and someday there will be no 'them' and 'us'.
there is only 'we'.

of merdeka and malaysia

in a matter of days, Malaysia turns 50.

quo vadis then, Malaysia?

what does Merdeka mean to you?

i think it means more than waving a plastic flag and watching parades go by. or just enjoying the public holiday it brings, as i was reminded of this by someone not too long ago.

i think it means celebrating what makes us who we are. and i can say this openly - i m proud to be Malaysian, even if the country isn't perfect and there are things i wish we didn't do.
the future is in Malaysia, even if there is as brain drain going on and we are still in the throes of a massive colonial hangover.
more than food or culture or public holidays, the fact is this is home. and i have no other.

where did the RM4 Billion go???!!!

today's been a real long day, and the question for today is :

WHERE DID THE RM 4 BILLION THE GOVERNMENT SAID WAS GOING TOWARDS THE IMPROVEMENT OF THE TRANSPORT SYSTEM GO???!!!

maybe in someone's pocket? many people's pockets? or into the 4th dimension of nothingness, the way all politicians' promises seem to go?

BUT IT SURE AS HELL DIDN'T GO INTO IMPROVING THE SYSTEM!!!

i was stranded in Bukit Bintang/ Imbi with my ex-roommate for 3 hours, just because the monorail was non-functional, and no buses were forthcoming. and i established that my vocabulary of swear words is working properly. especially when i was practically shoved into the monorail by a sea of extremely impatient people. who yelled and shouted like animals too. crowds bring out the worst in people, must be the sense of anonymity it gives. you feel you can get away with it, because no one can pick you out due to the sheer size of the crowd.

what the hell. when i looked at the traffic on the road, it was like looking at a still life. nothing was moving. the same could be said of a lot in this country. 'nuff said.

the legacy of the British - for better or for worse?

Looking back at history textbooks, in Malaysia, the British were the bad guys who took our land, and our property, and our right to rule and basically cheated the Sultans and the rulers half blind. they were the 'penjelajah' who 'mengamalkan dasar pecah dan perintah' and basically made life miserable for everyone concerned, if we are to follow the version given in our history textbooks (which are boring and pedestrian, but that's besides the point)

but i wonder whether it was really that bad...

my mother got into a heated argument with her Sejarah Nusantara lecturer as to whether the British were as black as the books said they were. she said that if not for the British, we wouldn't have the sort of progress we had today. and her lecturer shot her down, and said they were liars and cheats. and almost failed her. well, she got through in the end, anyhow.

but the point of the matter is that, approaching our 50th birthday, the question still remains whether the British were indeed the terrible colonial masters they were, or did they bring any good to this nation, at all?

i may be a product of the school system, and ergo, learning 'sejarah' right from Form 1 up to Form 6, where i took history as an elective, but even after reading all of that, i still agree with my mother that the British may have ruled the land for quite awhile, but without them, there would be no real progress.

just take a look at our educational system, adapted from the British system, and even more significantly, missionary schools which have produced among the best and brightest in this nation. also consider our political legacy of democracy, which but for the British, would remain an unreachable aim, owing to the entrenched Sultanate system. at this point, it pays to remember the words of Winston Churchill - that democracy is the worst of all forms of government, except for all the others. and i cannot forget the fact that because of their capital and investments, our country was able to develop and grow to where it is today.
i am not about to get into the question of how they profited or not, because the issue at hand is whether their rule brought any positive benefits for Malaysia as it is now.

in a nutshell, the legacy of the British is a reality, and i am on the side that it was for the better. there were of course, negative consequences, but on the balance, leaving the country in the hands of the Sultans or Yamtuan could not really have done that much better, hypothetically speaking.

i will end this with a statement - renaming roads isn't going to change history. far better to accept the road names as part of what made Malaysia, and get over the whole post-colonial hangover. it's time to move on.

fun with LDOCE - part i

the LDOCE = Longman's Dictionary of Contemporary English, a fine dictionary i bought last year for my Vocab for the Social Sciences elective...

who was to know it would be so much fun?

take this:

shyster informal especially AmE a dishonest person, especially a LAWYER or BUSINESSMAN
(and later on the same page)

sic v sicced siccing 1 to tell a dog to attack someone sic sth on sb He sicced his dog on me.
2 sic 'em! spoken used to tell a dog to attack someone 3 to tell someone in authority that someone has done something wrong, so that they are are punished.: [+on] He sicced his LAWYERS on them.

( soooo... the LDOCE editors think that lawyers are dishonest and are like dogs. or maybe they're just reflecting public sentiment about lawyers. brings to mind the late MGG Pillai's famous phrase, adapted here - a pack of lawyers, baying for blood. ahhahaha)

the scourge of extreme thinness

Italian designers agree that bigger may be better

i m heartened to know that fashion designers are starting to sit up and take notice of the fact that to be extremely thin is not a healthy thing.

this has always piqued me, which culminated in a poem i wrote back in Fm 3 which went by the title 'Fun to be thin' and was published in the now-defunct youth segment of the NST i.e. the YouthQuake section. it was meant to be a satire so i should not have not been surprised when it provoked some criticism from some girls back in school - that i was jealous of thin girls and i had no point to the poem. if the irony in the poem was lost on them, then it's their loss. (no pun intended)

anyway, to underscore my point, there's nothing wrong in being thin if that's how you were born. and nothing wrong with wanting to look that way and working towards that goal if that's what makes you happy.
but above all, health is the most important thing and if you sacrifice health for transforming into an emaciated and frail skeleton, then i would ask you: is it really worth all that? or spending time puking into toilets since you won't let what you eat stay down and in the process get horrors! FAT?
there's got to be more to life than that. and there is!

Q & A time

if any of you have attended conferences or seminars or talks or such events of the same species, then you will surely be familiar with the notion of Q & A time i.e. the moment when the chairperson allows members of the floor to ask questions. to me, it's a very interesting and sometimes amusing time.

questions from the audience come in many shapes and sizes, just as members of the audience come in many shapes and sizes.

the most prevalent would be the 'comment disguised as a question' - the one where the person asking the so-called question just keeps going on and on and ends in a huff without actually having any tangible question. such audience have almost unlimited amounts of steam, and once they've said their piece, they throw a challenging look at the panel. there! so there! you answer me now ... muahahahah (oklah, i've never really heard anyone laugh like that in this context, but i m quite sure they laugh that way in their heads)

then you get people who want to release some vitriol, kind of overlapping with the first type, only more bitter and biting. i saw one, he clearly had some idea of creating dissent and he had a most unpleasant sneer. the question he asked as he fished out a Catholic Bible and a Protestant Bible was which was the correct Bible since the Catholic one had more books than the Protestant one. he kept pushing the point in a more and more insistent and increasingly rude tone even when the speaker had replied very diplomatically. i am a champion! top that! you people cannot match my genius! not to mention the anti-US anti-UK tirade i heard at an anti-terrorism presentation during a conference.
this sort of question borders on the rude, nay, sometimes it IS rude. maybe we could empower the chairperson to box these people's ears? if such people can't be made to behave civilly by normal means, maybe extra-special measures are the answer!

non sequitur - some people think 'volume is victory' so they tend to raise their voices in such discussions etc. you could shout "THE SUN RISES IN THE WEST AND SETS IN THE EAST" through a foghorn and/or a microphone and it still won't change anything, it's still WRONG. making like a 3 year old on a temper tantrum rage is not going to lend credibility to your ideas, far from it.

we also have the 'i want to create a spectacle or make a splash' questioners. they like to ask questions for the sole purpose of making an impact, nevermind if it actually makes sense or not. you can tell by the way they have a large (and not necessarily malicious) smile after they have asked their question. this is the way you distinguish them from the earlier two who are infinitely more dangerous. when i see such questioners, i'm reminded of the people in school who would do all kinds of weird stunts to attract attention. guess some of us just never grow up ...

of course, i must credit those who do actually have a genuine question and really want to clarify something/ ask for an opinion in a spirit of inquiry and knowledge, but they are few and far between, kinda like a clear, non-hazy day in Malaysia.

i like Q & A time. what's not to? you see the best and the worst and the most bizarre of your fellow man. and you get to learn something at the same time. 3 for the price of 1!