to think she was different

what does it feel like to look up to someone, think hey, she's different, she's not like the others, she has honour, courage, intelligence, the willingness to work hard and maybe even some kindness and understanding? she stood out, stood above heads and shoulders of those around her. you could sense it. you knew - here was someone you really wanted to learn from and to work for. she was special.

what does it feel like to really care for that someone? to remember her likes and dislikes? to work your hardest and best for her? to wish her only the best?

and then to find that she thinks you're worthless. an outsider. not one of them. a problem case. a misfit. and because of that, you're where you are today. you know it's for the best, but it hurts no less.

you're reeling from betrayal more than anger. you're hurting because quite unlike so many hypocrites putting on a show of steadfastness, you really felt that affection and loyalty. and the tears tell you something - either you stop caring in the future or find someone who deserves that affection and loyalty.
or maybe, just maybe, undeserved as it is, pray for her success and happiness.
(you don't wish her ill, never have, you just want to move on and know real peace of mind)

for God allows evil that greater good may emerge of that evil.