of prayer i cried out and His answer

of prayer i cried out, prostrating myself on the ground, tears and entreaties to the One above.

the pain was too much. i couldn't see my way through.

and at night, i cried out too. not for Him to take the pain away, but to help me understand, to help me realise His plan and love for me in spite of all i was facing.
to calm my restless and wounded heart, beating, beating erratically.

the morning brought me to a more tranquil heart, one which helped me to think more clearly. and to my surprise, the pain had begun to subside, it was still there, but it moved gently to the background. unlike before, i was not numbed, but i learned to transcend these feelings of pain and sadness.
and from the acceptance of where i was, in the midst of imperfections, i found Him. in the carrying out of my duties regardless of my feelings, and the acceptance of persons who ignored me at best and wished me ill other times (perhaps one day i'll be able to love such people!) without compromising my personhood and protecting myself against their negativity ...
i learned that this was my path towards knowing and loving Him better.

His answer was to give me a new heart and new eyes. and i thank Him gratefully for such and all His other blessings.