of bullying and suicide

“My feeling was the childrens’ mental health service was so short-staffed they were only too ready to pass him on to adult services, although emotionally, he was much younger.

“We were told he did not tick the right boxes.”

So said Linda Jones, mother of the late Matthew Jones, a British teenager who committed suicide recently by gas inhalation, after announcing his chosen method of suicide on an online chat forum.

(read the full article here)

When I first read this article, my first thought was that of how much Matthew Jones must have suffered to drive him to commit suicide.

While adolescence is a time of great ups and downs physically, mentally and emotionally, it should not reach such depths so as to drive a teen to take his or her own life.

I understand that although the thrust of this article to is to speak out against the ill-effects of websites which glorify and assist teens in committing suicide, I have chosen today to touch on one of the underlying issues which caused Matthew to take his life – bullying.

Bullying is something we all like to pretend doesn’t exist and when we do acknowledge its existence, we choose to downplay its effects, saying that our children need to toughen up, they need to be less sensitive and more patient with those who cause them physical pain and mental anguish.

What we often fail to realise is how long-lasting these effects are and just how far-reaching they can be because children and adolescents’ make-up is different from adults.They have a less developed sense of perspective and more crucially, their sense of self, their very essence is still being formed. In such circumstances, bullying can cause the self to be malformed and to stunt the growth of our youth, even perhaps having a negative impact on their growth.

As adults, we all long to protect our children, shield them from the negativity which surrounds them. What are the concrete ways in which we can do so?

For a start, we need to take a stand against bullying and speak out against those our abuse our children. We should not shrug our shoulders and in a sense, collude with the bullies. We should be prepared to report the matter to the appropriate authorities and where necessary, take direct action.

Nevertheless, the most effective method is to listen to our children, to take note of their concerns, to hear the unspoken words they long to say to us, hoping we will care and understand. Besides helping them to lodge a report with the right authorities, we need to strengthen our children and give them that confidence and courage to deal with the lesser people in their lives, to assure them that they are indeed, bigger than their circumstances.

We also would need to set a good example for our children – to show them that assertiveness and not aggression is the way forward. When they see with their own eyes that bullying is taking the low road, they will be able to take the high road i.e. adopting a positive and firm approach in their dealings with others.

To this end, we would have done the best for our children. We cannot escape evil, but we can draw upon our collective strength and knowledge and take a stand against it.

I end with a requiem for the late Matthew Jones and pray for his family that they may be able to recover from their grief and pain and take with them the memories of a loving son.

Amen.