Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy,
our life, our sweetness and our hope.
To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve;
to thee do we send up our sighs,
mourning and weeping in this vale of tears.
Turn then, most gracious advocate,
thine eyes of mercy toward us;
and after this our exile,
show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.
is life on Earth an exile?
perhaps i have gotten it wrong all this while - the duality of existence makes it possible for sorrow to co-exist with joy and tears to emerge even when laughter erupts. and having said that, the most truthful expression and emotion would be bittersweet - since there can be no real sweetness without the bitter flavour that comes so suddenly. so to think that life is happiness itself is not the answer, because the truth is that happiness, so large and vast cannot be contained in this small and mortal life.
writing this in the midst of drafting an assignment, i am aware of the fragility of life. and i have come to lower my expectations, to understand that smiles are lost and laughter falls silent -and yet, be happy and continue to laugh.
i now know that i weep because it is indeed a vale of tears. and that is no call to give up living fully. only to look and comprehend and in so doing, find peace.
there can be no permanent high, there are no lows where one sinks forever (unless you choose to, and there is something in the human spirit which persists in moving on and moving ahead) and there are quiet days to balance the loud and busy ones.
i like the quiet happiness best, although i seem noisy. the one where i smile gently to myself, feeling a sense of completion and fulfilment, imperfect and yet i learn to be patient with life and with myself. the one where i feel a space expand within me, allowing me to feel and think with all my heart and soul.
i come full circle, and here i am, Lord.
amen.
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