the sparkle and shine of a life well lived

the sparkle and shine of a life well lived do not always translate into a sparkling and shiny body, whole and immaculately perfect.

what do i mean? i mean that a life well lived does not mean that the body will be spared. in fact the reverse is true ... in that living life well, we will necessarily go through many different experiences, some fun, some not so fun, some bordering on hellish.
and each will play their part in forming who we are. and leaving marks on our body.

i like to look back and see i m not afraid of new experiences, not so much at least, and taking the future one day and one step at a time. the empty dread which used to greet me when i opened my eyes (especially true round this time last year) has given way to something far more hopeful and far more wonderful than i could ever imagine.

i might end up alone and unloved. unmourned, unremembered. no one to dispel the darkness of the night, spending holidays and festive occasions by myself. i might stay stuck in a dead end job, walking into an abyss that bodes a fate worse than death.
OR
i might find that each day has its own share of delight ... and that alone or not, i am never lonely when i remember that my Creator loves me. and service is what i aim for, being a libation poured out for all. no matter who, whether i like you or not - for my service is born of love, a pale reflection of my Lord's love for me. if i serve best as a single, so be it. if my service is called forth more fully in married life, so be it. if through His call for me, the religious life beckons, so be it.

taking the steps of faith, i'm amazed i came this far. who knows what will happen next? i don't ... and i m not out to second guess Him.

come what may, Lord, you are with me always. and let there be the sparkle and shine of a life well lived be reflected in my eyes, my smile and my laughter - regardless of how i may be feeling at the moment, or what i have to endure in serving You. :)