one of those days again

one of those days again, when i fell asleep on my bed from dinnertime til about 12 plus, minus showering, minus taking off my contacts. woke up feeling grouchy, joints all coming loose and tired but not tired either i.e. cannot sleep.

so i m still up now.

maybe because i came across something which disturbed me a fair bit yday morning? i think so too. i mean, it's not like i don't respect your choices or the fact you're an adult now, but to think, you were so near and now you've gone so far. i've moved beyond viewing the fundamentals in life in relative terms ... if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
reflecting on things, i didn't think i actually knew who you were...
nevertheless, it doesn't negate the hopes i placed in you, misplaced as they were. hohoho. i put so much hope on an almost complete stranger.

or the feeling, once again, of standing out like a sore thumb. until i learn to let go, gracelessly at first, then gracefully. i mean, these are people, for better or in this case, for worse - whether narrow minded or hypocritical, prone to gossip, there's still something good to be found in them.
and instead of curling up in a corner, fit to die, i m thinking about people who suffer the same way: 'hey you know. i understand what you are going through, all you who get put down like that. i know the texture and taste of this pain and rejection - and you know what, you'll make it through'.
just don't give up. easier said than done, though. i m still hanging on by sheer grace!

the stress of unmet deadlines, looming ominously on the horizon. a million and one uncompleted tasks - some which involve so many others! and writers' block is not helping any.

sometimes i doubt my own judgment, but then again, if i don't start learning to trust myself, when will i do so? now is a good time. :D besides, i m the only one who actually knows me, body, soul, mind.

broiled cocktail sausages + a cup of cold soyabean for dinner.
i m sure i'll look like crap come time for work. but hey, i've been through worse. and trust me on this, there's nothing that my God cannot handle. or in other cases, give me His grace to see me through.

if you're reading this, pls pray for me. all petitions greatly appreciated. Amen.