there is nothing quite as distressing to me as seeing a heart break. no, i don't mean the breaking of a physical structure of muscle. i mean watching the people around me break into a million pieces and more - the sadness, the helplessness, the despair, the pain and sorrow which sometimes hides behind a mask of whole happiness.
it's not something that you can hide that easily, because the brokenness shows itself. it always does, and i sense it, and in turn, i too am sad. i feel the weight of these feelings, and share in my own way, the burdens my friends and loved ones bear.
it hurts even more when i know that in some way, they add to their own pain. i've seen cigarettes, drink, partying, excessive dieting and exercise - so many other ways people try to dull the ache within their hearts only to wake up feeling empty and bare. the wound still there, raw and bleeding from the inadequate cover disposable plasters give. pain cannot be pushed aside, it takes time to heal fully.
i always wish there were more i could do. could i wish or pray for the pain to go away?
it never does go away so easily, and i have seen more than one soul stuck in a mental groove of anger and bitterness, hard and unforgiving. far too easy to judge, to condemn, harder to understand, to empathise. we talk about choices, but sometimes it's hard to even get to the point where you see you have options, that you can choose in a given situation which seems to have trapped you.
there are no simple answers. i just hold on to this - as long as i m still alive, i give what i can to help and heal. and recognise, in the end, there's only so much i can do because God is the ultimate healer. i listen as best i can, and hope that in the intervening silence between the spoken words, the care and love i have go out to the other person.
i dedicate this post to all my friends who have met and know sorrow very well. i am here with and for you and more importantly, the One who knows and loves us best is with us. always.
may you know peace and happiness, God bless you.
and if ever, ever, there's a need to vent, to share, to spend a confused, puzzling, quiet or chaotic or whatever moment with, you know where to look. take care.
2 comments:
I believe Byron really said it best: "and thus, the heart will break, yet brokenly live on."
Then again, that is what proximity does to us. The best excuse is that we're all being human. Or maybe, it is a substantial justification. :)
i loved that quote, jiang mun. :)
i agree with you that being human is probably the best reason why.
catch up with you soon k.
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