Blessed Easter to all.
Alleluia - the Lord is risen indeed.
After a Lenten period which culminated in what i can only describe as bleak circumstances this Good Friday, i felt like all was lost indeed.
tell me what was i fighting for, what i was striving for, lost. indescribably lonely and sad.
pulling out of Putrajaya that hot afternoon, i made my way to SIC - everywhere the roads seem jammed to the max. where was everyone going off to? to church as well? i parked at the playground, the church was at least 1 km away only to discover that service started at 2pm. i was late.
i ended up going to SFX just in time for the 3 pm service. and just as the cross was being venerated, i felt something tugging at my heart which had become sore and heavy.
who was this Christ who died for me? who was He indeed? an abstract, historical concept? i missed His nearness to me, i missed His presence. i missed Him.
the clincher came when it was time to receive communion. the sense of taking something of my Lord, it becoming a part of me put the entire crucifixion in a different light. if humans were designed to love themselves, then sin had turned it into a veritable religion and destroyed the dignity inherent in recognising man as originating from God. this self mutilation through sin (as described by Fr. Simon in his stirring homily) was a thing i knew very well - i had been guilty of it so many times in my life.
i was loved. and am loved. and will continue to be loved for all eternity. He did not die for an empty reason. and despite my broken self, He loved me first and loved me best to the point of taking on all my sufferings. i was in pain, i am in pain, and i am sure life will bring me fresh pain in the future. but who am i to reject Him in seeing these through to the dawn?
i draw close to Him through His sacraments, prayer- sincere though weak, and reading His word. even if tomorrow i still know no answers, knowing His love is enough for me. come what may.
***
when you think about friends, you usually think about friends from school, uni, those you meet at work.
and when you meet someone who opens your heart and mind, and blows you away by being kind and open and willing to pray and journey with you, what do you say? what do you do?
you call that one a friend. and see in her actions, God's love and grace. respond in kind and trust.
in the intimacy of that space, prayer united us both and brought me to seeing something beautiful in all i have gone through. so used to turning away, enfolded in our own trials and worries, when someone turns and cares, it's simply amazing.
***
continuing the journey. undefined markers as yet. but the destination is certain. ah for the confidence in Him and to please Him above all :)
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