An inspired search and a desire to read the seeking of Wisdom as described so poetically by Solomon in the book of Proverbs ... i find myself reflecting on what is meant by the fear of God and how it is the beginning of wisdom.
"do you want to please people, or please God?"
the question does not come with an easy answer. all i know is that the desire to please God is the starting point of this journey which i embarked upon. if i had listened hard enough, i would have known of His desires for me, His dreams for me, the visions He still wants me to realise.
and to realise them, i must come to know Wisdom in all her glory and splendour. she is a hard taskmistress. and i struggle. the tears, the sweat, the blood, she has seen them all.
self knowledge, self realisation.
did the saints not talk about this? so afraid of jumping, so afraid of making mistakes, so afraid of pain, i have forgotten what makes me great is bigger than what makes me feel good.
i could not have done it then, i was still floundering about for an identity. still seeking out what it is it which moves me towards something more than a life lived purely out of selfish desires.
of course, noble intentions are always good. but then again, how are they concretised?
vague notions of kindness and love and making a difference are all very well, but there's more to living than that.
i think i know better now. the discipline living demands of me now where i am is like iron for my soul...
sufficiently strengthened, shaped and moulded, my time in the furnace, the crucible come and gone, coming to know myself better, the time will come. in the meantime, i will continue to walk in Wisdom's path.
***
a collection of quotes from Meister Eckhart: -
“Truly, it is in darkness that one finds the light, so when we are in sorrow, then this light is nearest of all to us”
compare this to Gandhi's "The divine guidance often comes when the horizon is darkest".
“Do exactly what you would do if you felt most secure.”
...still learning how to feel secure.
“To be right, a person must do one of two things: either he must learn to have God in his work and hold fast to him there, or he must give up his work altogether. Since, however, we cannot live without activities that are both human and various, we must learn to keep God I everything we do, and whatever the job or place, keep on with him, letting nothing stand in our way.”
Gloria in excelsis deo. and with all that happens, raise it to the One who knows and loves us best. you know that without You, i am a nobody. thank You for all You have given me and made possible for me to lift your name on high.
let all that has happened to me strengthen me and give me the grace to fulfill your purposes for me. nothing can stop what You have willed, nothing can stand in its way,
only even as i cry out "Lord I believe, help my unbelief" ... You remain patient, and chide me for my lack of faith. human knowledge and discernment fade in the face of Your love and dreams for all of us and in Your infinite wisdom and tenderness.
Here i am, Lord. It is i, Lord,
i have heard You calling in the night,
i will go, Lord, if You lead me.
taking the first step is the hardest. but if i keep looking back, drowning my sorrows by whatever means, i can never move ahead. patience is a virtue, bitter but its fruits are sweet.
speak Lord, your servant is listening.
AMEN.
No comments:
Post a Comment