the holidays are here again...!
yes, and will be going around eating and exploring Penang Island with ins and elizabeth ... right after that, it's down to doing my attachment at the magistrate's court and a law firm in Ipoh. actually i am looking forward to that, learning things on the job and seeing how all the law i've learned so far (actually very little, from application of the 'iceberg principle') fits together and getting some real-life experience of work...:)
hmmm...less certain is wearing the penguin suit everyday and getting some good working clothes. good thing is i have a comfortable pair of black court (pardon the pun, couldn't resist...!) shoes to begin with ...
3rd year of law school is officially over. turbulent, full of thrills and spills ... a semi moot year when i fulfilled a childhood dream of visiting England (one of the most beautiful moments in the whole year *dreamy smile)...a year of attending various conferences, seminars, workshops outside and inside the fac and meeting many interesting and intriguing characters and learning how to 'network' in a sense...a year of work and the 10000 word PIL PBL which drained all of us dry (i remember the nights over at mei chen's place where we worked like mad all through the nights to get it done and looking like total wrecks after, with bloated eyebags and pale faces)...a year of discovering certain truths which while they have shaken me to the core, have not made me lose my faith ... a year of having my eyes opened, a year of making up ... a year of coming closer to God, and of rediscovering my faith in Him ... a year of reestablishing who i am, and working on what i have...
beyond 3rd year...just the other day me and siewwee and harn were remarking that it seemed like yesterday when we came to um, and we were attending our colleges' haluansiswa (orientation) programme, first years wet behind the ears. now we're about to enter into our professional year, and one more step to becoming chambering students and consequently, full-fledged lawyers. how fast time flies...(cliched but true) ... whoosh! (how i love the sound of deadlines, esp as they go whizzing by...seen on the mooters' room door last year)
the holidays and work bring with it new experiences, and there is much to look forward to. :)
there are 2 projects i am supposed to and will work on, and an upcoming one, old and yet new ... perhaps the first step to fulfilling a dream? we'll see...it excites me tremendously.
also inspired to write a theme-based anthology of poems ... still figuring out the details. :)
God bless all, and happy holidays! pet loves all of you ...
Sunday, April 30, 2006
The Three Question Personality Test
| Your Personality Is |
You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours. |
Looking for a place to land
Dakota Moon - 'Looking for a place to land'
There was a man in his car trying to talk to me
He drove a Pontiac, red, 1963
He shouted numbers and neighborhood streets
I said, I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know
And then I said to myself, what's he lookin' for
An illegitimate son with an open door
Or else the calling from God he could not ignore
I guess in my own way
Just like him I am wandering, wondering run away
But aren't we all just
Looking for a place to land
Looking for a friend to call
Looking for a destination, conversation, fascination
To protect us from the fall
Looking for the one to love
Looking for a brand new day
Looking for a reason to stand
Looking for a place to land
There was a girl on a train out of Santa Fe
She found her husband in bed with her sister hey
She left her soul and her kids when she ran away
Where do you go? Where do you go?
Sometimes the love that you lose is the love you find
Sometimes the pain is the doorway to peace of mind
No matter how hard you try you just can't rewind
Now that you know - where do you go?
I guess in my own way
Just like the her I'm wandering, wondering runaway
But aren't we all just
Looking for a place to land
Looking for a friend to call
Looking for a destination, conversation, fascination
To protect us from the fall
Looking for the one to love
Looking for a brand new day
Looking for a reason to stand
Looking for a place to land
I guess in my own way
Just like the them I'm a wandering, wondering runaway...
There was a man in his car trying to talk to me
He drove a Pontiac, red, 1963
He shouted numbers and neighborhood streets
I said, I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know
And then I said to myself, what's he lookin' for
An illegitimate son with an open door
Or else the calling from God he could not ignore
I guess in my own way
Just like him I am wandering, wondering run away
But aren't we all just
Looking for a place to land
Looking for a friend to call
Looking for a destination, conversation, fascination
To protect us from the fall
Looking for the one to love
Looking for a brand new day
Looking for a reason to stand
Looking for a place to land
There was a girl on a train out of Santa Fe
She found her husband in bed with her sister hey
She left her soul and her kids when she ran away
Where do you go? Where do you go?
Sometimes the love that you lose is the love you find
Sometimes the pain is the doorway to peace of mind
No matter how hard you try you just can't rewind
Now that you know - where do you go?
I guess in my own way
Just like the her I'm wandering, wondering runaway
But aren't we all just
Looking for a place to land
Looking for a friend to call
Looking for a destination, conversation, fascination
To protect us from the fall
Looking for the one to love
Looking for a brand new day
Looking for a reason to stand
Looking for a place to land
I guess in my own way
Just like the them I'm a wandering, wondering runaway...
Saturday, April 29, 2006
a gulf, a ravine and crossing the sea
words. words. communication rests mostly in words...although body language does play a considerable part in communication as well.
words that belie honesty or deceit. words that have so much hidden behind them. words that are colourful, vivid or coldly bloodless.
words that create a gulf between two souls, words that fall into a ravine of indifference, and finally words that cross the sea of misunderstanding. words that reach out and heal.
honesty is not license to hurt or to be malicious. in fact to be honest should entail even more caution and more importantly, gentleness. the human heart is one of the softest and most tender things in the world. hard truths need a soft landing place. one of the worst things to do is to take advantage of trust to deliver a crushing blow when the other is most vulnerable.
words can lift up, they can also bring a person down. theirs is not a power to be underestimated.
first posted in my muliply site on June 20th, 2005. it still rings true.
words that belie honesty or deceit. words that have so much hidden behind them. words that are colourful, vivid or coldly bloodless.
words that create a gulf between two souls, words that fall into a ravine of indifference, and finally words that cross the sea of misunderstanding. words that reach out and heal.
honesty is not license to hurt or to be malicious. in fact to be honest should entail even more caution and more importantly, gentleness. the human heart is one of the softest and most tender things in the world. hard truths need a soft landing place. one of the worst things to do is to take advantage of trust to deliver a crushing blow when the other is most vulnerable.
words can lift up, they can also bring a person down. theirs is not a power to be underestimated.
first posted in my muliply site on June 20th, 2005. it still rings true.
What is Forgiving?
What is Forgiving?
1. Forgiving is allowing another person to be human for faults, mistakes or misdeeds.
2. Forgiving is letting another know that there is no grudge, hard feelings or animosity for any wrongdoing.
3. Forgiving is leeting the other person know that you accept as genuine the remorse and sorrow for actions and words that hurt or disappointed you.
4. Forgiving is accepting the sincerity of penance, sorrow and regret expressed over a grievous perosnal offense, and making it sufficient to clear the air.
5. Forgiving is giving a sign that a person's explanation or acceptance of blame for a destructive, hurtful or painful act is fully accepted.
6. Forgiving is the highest form of human behaviour that be shown to another person. It is
the opening up of yourself to that person to be vulnerable to being hurt or offended in the future, yet setting aside this in order to reopen and heal the channels of communication.
7. Forgiving is the act of love between you and a person who has hurt you; the bandage that
holds the wound together long enough to heal.
8. Forgiving is the God-like gift of spiritually connecting with others, touching their hearts to calm the fear of rejection, quiet the sense of failure, and lighten the burden of guilt.
9. Forgiving is the act of letting go of temporary ill will, disappointment, or the disgust that arises from the break in your relationship.
10. Forgiving is an act of compassion, humanity, and gentleness by which you let another know that s/he is indeed a child of the universe upon whom a variety of graces and blessings have been showered upon and that current or past offenses need not be a barrier preventing goodness and worth to shine through.
Source: 'Handling Forgiving and Forgetting' by James J. Messina, PhD and Constance M.
Messina, PhD.
'Forgiveness needs to be accepted, as well as offered, before it is complete'- CS Lewis
'Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it'- Mark Twain.
on the same issue, a blast from the past : 5 stages of forgiveness.
1. Forgiving is allowing another person to be human for faults, mistakes or misdeeds.
2. Forgiving is letting another know that there is no grudge, hard feelings or animosity for any wrongdoing.
3. Forgiving is leeting the other person know that you accept as genuine the remorse and sorrow for actions and words that hurt or disappointed you.
4. Forgiving is accepting the sincerity of penance, sorrow and regret expressed over a grievous perosnal offense, and making it sufficient to clear the air.
5. Forgiving is giving a sign that a person's explanation or acceptance of blame for a destructive, hurtful or painful act is fully accepted.
6. Forgiving is the highest form of human behaviour that be shown to another person. It is
the opening up of yourself to that person to be vulnerable to being hurt or offended in the future, yet setting aside this in order to reopen and heal the channels of communication.
7. Forgiving is the act of love between you and a person who has hurt you; the bandage that
holds the wound together long enough to heal.
8. Forgiving is the God-like gift of spiritually connecting with others, touching their hearts to calm the fear of rejection, quiet the sense of failure, and lighten the burden of guilt.
9. Forgiving is the act of letting go of temporary ill will, disappointment, or the disgust that arises from the break in your relationship.
10. Forgiving is an act of compassion, humanity, and gentleness by which you let another know that s/he is indeed a child of the universe upon whom a variety of graces and blessings have been showered upon and that current or past offenses need not be a barrier preventing goodness and worth to shine through.
Source: 'Handling Forgiving and Forgetting' by James J. Messina, PhD and Constance M.
Messina, PhD.
'Forgiveness needs to be accepted, as well as offered, before it is complete'- CS Lewis
'Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it'- Mark Twain.
on the same issue, a blast from the past : 5 stages of forgiveness.
Part V of 'Love Poems - a Cycle'
Part V (the final part) of 'Love Poems - a Cycle', written when i was in Upper 6
Two souls wander in their own circle, beset with their own problems, worries and fears. Two souls that stay vaguely aware of each other's presence, knowing and not knowing. Two souls whose orbits never touch.
Some call it circumstance, some call it the pull of Destiny, others the will of God...
after a long while, these two souls make contact.
For a moment, sparks light up the sky and fire covers the desolate barrenness of their existence. They feel the power of a single touch, power that can mould and power that brings rebirth...new life.
But Nature does not allow for such revelation to go unchecked. It will not last, it falls back into silence and darkness.
Yet, in the course of that moment, two souls have known love and understanding. Two souls have fulfilled their call and their lives changed forever.
Gazing upon the dim shadow that was once brightness, two souls have hope, and from this strength for the rest of their days.
FINI.
Two souls wander in their own circle, beset with their own problems, worries and fears. Two souls that stay vaguely aware of each other's presence, knowing and not knowing. Two souls whose orbits never touch.
Some call it circumstance, some call it the pull of Destiny, others the will of God...
after a long while, these two souls make contact.
For a moment, sparks light up the sky and fire covers the desolate barrenness of their existence. They feel the power of a single touch, power that can mould and power that brings rebirth...new life.
But Nature does not allow for such revelation to go unchecked. It will not last, it falls back into silence and darkness.
Yet, in the course of that moment, two souls have known love and understanding. Two souls have fulfilled their call and their lives changed forever.
Gazing upon the dim shadow that was once brightness, two souls have hope, and from this strength for the rest of their days.
FINI.
Friday, April 28, 2006
A tribute to MGG Pillai...
today started out all right, i went to fac, chatted with some friends and made meeting up plans for next week, took back my second PIL assignment (which turned out ok, praise God) and my attachment forms and later lunched with siewwee and harn...
as i was idly surfing the net when i returned, i discovered from Jeff Ooi's blog that MGG Pillai had passed away. read more about it here.
MGG Pillai was in one word: a character. he had style and flair and a real talent for writing. and he was brave, one of the very few who dared to maintain his uncompromising stance against all the faults and failings of the ruling party and Malaysia in general. i used to read his articles on his site and i really enjoyed the alternative viewpoints he presented. i still remember the tort syllabus last year included a defamation case between MGG Pillai and Tan Sri Vincent Tan, and in spite of such legal action which would frighten most of us into submission, he merely carried on. that is something worth thinking about ...
patriotism is not about empty praises and closing your eyes to the truth about your country, it is about daring to speak up and wanting your country to do better, to be a better place to live in because you love your country, your motherland. and i would think MGG Pillai was one who embodied such patriotism with passion, fire and brimstone. he was never one to mince his words with his use of colourful and quiant metaphors and figures of speech - a voice that though not loud, was persistent and piercing ...
i always wanted to link to him, but i procrastinated for far too long. still, he will always remain in my memory as a very courageous and brave man who did the best he could for the country by his pen. and i will miss his writing, miss reading the strident articles laced with biting humour and the super sharp socio-political commentary.
God bless MGG Pillai and let his good work carry on. My deepest condolences also to MGG Pillai's family members, may God be with you as you carry on through this dark time.
i say a requiem for him:
'Eternal rest grant unto him O Lord
and let perpetual light shine upon him
and may he rest in peace.
may the soul of the faithful departed,
through the Mercy of God
rest in peace.
AMEN.'
as i was idly surfing the net when i returned, i discovered from Jeff Ooi's blog that MGG Pillai had passed away. read more about it here.
MGG Pillai was in one word: a character. he had style and flair and a real talent for writing. and he was brave, one of the very few who dared to maintain his uncompromising stance against all the faults and failings of the ruling party and Malaysia in general. i used to read his articles on his site and i really enjoyed the alternative viewpoints he presented. i still remember the tort syllabus last year included a defamation case between MGG Pillai and Tan Sri Vincent Tan, and in spite of such legal action which would frighten most of us into submission, he merely carried on. that is something worth thinking about ...
patriotism is not about empty praises and closing your eyes to the truth about your country, it is about daring to speak up and wanting your country to do better, to be a better place to live in because you love your country, your motherland. and i would think MGG Pillai was one who embodied such patriotism with passion, fire and brimstone. he was never one to mince his words with his use of colourful and quiant metaphors and figures of speech - a voice that though not loud, was persistent and piercing ...
i always wanted to link to him, but i procrastinated for far too long. still, he will always remain in my memory as a very courageous and brave man who did the best he could for the country by his pen. and i will miss his writing, miss reading the strident articles laced with biting humour and the super sharp socio-political commentary.
God bless MGG Pillai and let his good work carry on. My deepest condolences also to MGG Pillai's family members, may God be with you as you carry on through this dark time.
i say a requiem for him:
'Eternal rest grant unto him O Lord
and let perpetual light shine upon him
and may he rest in peace.
may the soul of the faithful departed,
through the Mercy of God
rest in peace.
AMEN.'
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Did you know?
Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it
to their face?
Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weak and most susceptible?
Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need
someone to protect them?
Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are:
I love you,
Sorry and
help me
Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?
Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?
Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your
help and understanding?
Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned two fold?
Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted?
some parts real, some parts i can identify with, the rest are yet to come true.
i like yellow and red, i have a number of yellow t-shirts, two of which i consider auspicious or lucky because of the things that happened to me when i wore them, happy, nice things...:)
i like black too, and there was a time in my life when i wore nothing but black and dark blue and grey. i think that phase is mercifully over. i now have pink, light blue, white etc...;)
as to those needing help, well, sometimes it's like that. we forget that the people we look up to ...are still human, and sometimes need a listening ear and a warm hug and every little bit of assurance things will be ok.
writing? sometimes it's easier to put things in writing, but trust me, there are certain things best done in the real world (read: offline). i am thinking of two persons, somewhat similar circumstances and how one made the whole thing a lot less painful and one prolonged the agony... yes, and i still find it cowardly though i can understand why.
the bottom line is to be kind, no matter what the medium of communication. it's a hard life for most of us, so why add on to others' burdens? why indeed...?
to their face?
Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weak and most susceptible?
Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need
someone to protect them?
Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are:
I love you,
Sorry and
help me
Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?
Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?
Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your
help and understanding?
Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned two fold?
Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted?
some parts real, some parts i can identify with, the rest are yet to come true.
i like yellow and red, i have a number of yellow t-shirts, two of which i consider auspicious or lucky because of the things that happened to me when i wore them, happy, nice things...:)
i like black too, and there was a time in my life when i wore nothing but black and dark blue and grey. i think that phase is mercifully over. i now have pink, light blue, white etc...;)
as to those needing help, well, sometimes it's like that. we forget that the people we look up to ...are still human, and sometimes need a listening ear and a warm hug and every little bit of assurance things will be ok.
writing? sometimes it's easier to put things in writing, but trust me, there are certain things best done in the real world (read: offline). i am thinking of two persons, somewhat similar circumstances and how one made the whole thing a lot less painful and one prolonged the agony... yes, and i still find it cowardly though i can understand why.
the bottom line is to be kind, no matter what the medium of communication. it's a hard life for most of us, so why add on to others' burdens? why indeed...?
a day of rhymes at long john silver's/ girly mags/ reality
is it possible to talk in rhymes the whole day long?
or at least for a good part of it?
well, if you're me, zahir and harn, i guess yeah, you can do it!
sitting in long john silver's, ringing the bell after i had been told i have such poise, ability and confidence in pushing lift buttons and ringing bells...we just kind of went a little mad and started talking in rhymes...like
if we did well
ring the bell
and we'll unlock hell
'cos that's what we sell...
it started from there, and it was amazing how long we kept it up. at one point, there was something about we must (x3) we must increase our bust ...
because bigger breasts
are the best...
ok, sahlah, 3 of us just lost it then and there, actually it was just me and zahir at first, then we dragged harn in. entire rhyming conversations are fun, yes, they are...!
btw, ljs does not suck, i know my bro told me that a long time ago but today 3 of us established on a balance of probabilities that it's ok, albeit having slow service and being a bit on the costly side. the menu was confusing, it took us a bit of time to figure it out...conclusion is it's ok. not fantastic, not great, but ok. you might want to consider it the next time you see one.
but not the chicken wrap - McD's still does it better ... the grilled chicken foldover is the best, with lovely tomato bits and succulent lettuce and onion slices...i recommend it highly, and it's really filling :)
oh, and after looking at borders' stuff, i ended up buying ... a girly mag. so sue me.
it's full of funny articles like 'how to be a more eligible bachelorette' ...step no.10 talks about being serene, y'know, like not being bothered by the small stuff around you, not getting caught up with the world...well, if you really are that serene, then how come not having a man bothers you so much? why would you have to read and follow all the steps in that article?
so as it goes, girly mags are full of contradictions: on one hand, they preach self-acceptance and confidence and next they're screaming at you : get thin, get a man, wear the right clothes, live the right life (according to their lights)...point to note, leave brain cells aside when reading. heaven knows i need them when i plough through heavy-going legal or academic stuff...
anyhow, reality is what you create for yourself. after a point you have to take responsiblity for what you decide to believe in and live by. there's only so much you can blame on society or other people or the things that happened to you ...
hard words, but even harder to live by.
ta ta...off to continue looking at how to wear sexy dresses for all body types. and how a broken heart affects your health. yeah, i knew the latter from the early days, but thanks for backing up my suspicions. nice to know you're right...yes?
or at least for a good part of it?
well, if you're me, zahir and harn, i guess yeah, you can do it!
sitting in long john silver's, ringing the bell after i had been told i have such poise, ability and confidence in pushing lift buttons and ringing bells...we just kind of went a little mad and started talking in rhymes...like
if we did well
ring the bell
and we'll unlock hell
'cos that's what we sell...
it started from there, and it was amazing how long we kept it up. at one point, there was something about we must (x3) we must increase our bust ...
because bigger breasts
are the best...
ok, sahlah, 3 of us just lost it then and there, actually it was just me and zahir at first, then we dragged harn in. entire rhyming conversations are fun, yes, they are...!
btw, ljs does not suck, i know my bro told me that a long time ago but today 3 of us established on a balance of probabilities that it's ok, albeit having slow service and being a bit on the costly side. the menu was confusing, it took us a bit of time to figure it out...conclusion is it's ok. not fantastic, not great, but ok. you might want to consider it the next time you see one.
but not the chicken wrap - McD's still does it better ... the grilled chicken foldover is the best, with lovely tomato bits and succulent lettuce and onion slices...i recommend it highly, and it's really filling :)
oh, and after looking at borders' stuff, i ended up buying ... a girly mag. so sue me.
it's full of funny articles like 'how to be a more eligible bachelorette' ...step no.10 talks about being serene, y'know, like not being bothered by the small stuff around you, not getting caught up with the world...well, if you really are that serene, then how come not having a man bothers you so much? why would you have to read and follow all the steps in that article?
so as it goes, girly mags are full of contradictions: on one hand, they preach self-acceptance and confidence and next they're screaming at you : get thin, get a man, wear the right clothes, live the right life (according to their lights)...point to note, leave brain cells aside when reading. heaven knows i need them when i plough through heavy-going legal or academic stuff...
anyhow, reality is what you create for yourself. after a point you have to take responsiblity for what you decide to believe in and live by. there's only so much you can blame on society or other people or the things that happened to you ...
hard words, but even harder to live by.
ta ta...off to continue looking at how to wear sexy dresses for all body types. and how a broken heart affects your health. yeah, i knew the latter from the early days, but thanks for backing up my suspicions. nice to know you're right...yes?
overfed and undernourished...
In front of the TV she sat with a bowl of groundnuts and a can of coke. She always enjoyed watching Stephen Chow movies and methodically, she cracked open the groundnuts, popping them into her mouth one after another. She laughed so hard, she did not keep track of the number of groundnuts she was eating or the coke that was rapidly sliding down her throat. After awhile, she had finished her supply and was ready to replenish it.
She was happiest eating. Food did not disappoint her, it did not betray her, it did not go behind her back and say mean things and yet seem so kind on the outside. Food comforted her, kept her heart and body warm and filled her up. She had such a long love affair with food and though her hand danced with visions of a boyfriend and romance, she doubted her capabilities in this area, choosing to stay steadfastly with her first love. Food was rich and chocolate and cake and chips and burgers. Food was snacks at any time of the day. Food was always there for her.
And so she sits with her spoon in a 2 ℓ tub of ice cream, licking it. She would not believe you if you asked her if she ached inside.
She would laugh and say she felt fine and offer you some ice cream.
You might even believe her after a while. But if you looked just that little bit closer, you could see tear tracks on her chubby cheeks. And you might guess that the food did not fill the emptiness; that void within her. So she still hungered and yet, groping blindly about for something to ease that hunger. That deep, fundamental hunger.
She would have thought she found that something.
But you know better.
Written : March 2005, inspired by Geneen Roth's Feeding the Hungry Heart.
all of you women have been brave, and i salute each and every one of you, understanding, knowing, empathising as only an insider can.
my love to all who keep on struggling, it is worth something in the end, i believe it, i know it...!
She was happiest eating. Food did not disappoint her, it did not betray her, it did not go behind her back and say mean things and yet seem so kind on the outside. Food comforted her, kept her heart and body warm and filled her up. She had such a long love affair with food and though her hand danced with visions of a boyfriend and romance, she doubted her capabilities in this area, choosing to stay steadfastly with her first love. Food was rich and chocolate and cake and chips and burgers. Food was snacks at any time of the day. Food was always there for her.
And so she sits with her spoon in a 2 ℓ tub of ice cream, licking it. She would not believe you if you asked her if she ached inside.
She would laugh and say she felt fine and offer you some ice cream.
You might even believe her after a while. But if you looked just that little bit closer, you could see tear tracks on her chubby cheeks. And you might guess that the food did not fill the emptiness; that void within her. So she still hungered and yet, groping blindly about for something to ease that hunger. That deep, fundamental hunger.
She would have thought she found that something.
But you know better.
Written : March 2005, inspired by Geneen Roth's Feeding the Hungry Heart.
all of you women have been brave, and i salute each and every one of you, understanding, knowing, empathising as only an insider can.
my love to all who keep on struggling, it is worth something in the end, i believe it, i know it...!
forgiveness ...
Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime,
Therefore, we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;
Therefore, we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone.
Therefore, we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite a virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;
Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.
Reinhold Niebuhr
and what is forgiveness really, but a chance to be united with Christ's suffering, as He hung upon the cross and He cried out "Lord, forgive them for they know not what they do..."
how hard it is to forgive when the other has done so, fully aware. no defences of ignorance, no defences of mistake. the wounds were inflicted on purpose, with intent to hurt.
how hard it is...
but that is precisely what makes it so precious, knowing that in spite of all the injustice and anger and pain and brokenness of this world we live in, we have the sterling example of a loving and forgiving Master who is with us every step of the way. and in its purest form, forgiveness is love. the greatest act of love for those who have rejected and torn us apart...and we are saved, first by His supreme sacrifice born of love, forgiveness and a desire for all of us to be redeemed and second, by discovering the same love and openness within us when such as life and the people around us inflict, where He resides ...
Therefore, we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;
Therefore, we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone.
Therefore, we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite a virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;
Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.
Reinhold Niebuhr
and what is forgiveness really, but a chance to be united with Christ's suffering, as He hung upon the cross and He cried out "Lord, forgive them for they know not what they do..."
how hard it is to forgive when the other has done so, fully aware. no defences of ignorance, no defences of mistake. the wounds were inflicted on purpose, with intent to hurt.
how hard it is...
but that is precisely what makes it so precious, knowing that in spite of all the injustice and anger and pain and brokenness of this world we live in, we have the sterling example of a loving and forgiving Master who is with us every step of the way. and in its purest form, forgiveness is love. the greatest act of love for those who have rejected and torn us apart...and we are saved, first by His supreme sacrifice born of love, forgiveness and a desire for all of us to be redeemed and second, by discovering the same love and openness within us when such as life and the people around us inflict, where He resides ...
tired...
after all that posting, discovering all of a sudden i have so much to say...
i feel extremely tired.
a lot of thoughts have been processed.
a lot of feelings and memories dealt with.
a lot of cases and statutes memorised.
a lot of legal theories and stuff analysed.
i am worn out.
but on the bright side, after the vocab paper tomorrow, me, harn and zahir will be going to Borders at Berjaya Times Square for their anniversary sale. looking forward to some lepak time. and there are more plans in the pipeline, as always.
after the major stress of the exams, i think i deserve a break. :)
i feel extremely tired.
a lot of thoughts have been processed.
a lot of feelings and memories dealt with.
a lot of cases and statutes memorised.
a lot of legal theories and stuff analysed.
i am worn out.
but on the bright side, after the vocab paper tomorrow, me, harn and zahir will be going to Borders at Berjaya Times Square for their anniversary sale. looking forward to some lepak time. and there are more plans in the pipeline, as always.
after the major stress of the exams, i think i deserve a break. :)
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
an excerpt
an excerpt from "A story of a beast" ... the conclusion. there is no end, and death is not the end of the beast. because even death is but a comma in the grand tale of humanity.
"she still hears those condescending remarks. they ring, they are pitying, they make her less than what she is and yet as John 8:32 put it, she will know the truth and it will set her free.
through her freedom, though she lives in society with all its standards and demands and rejection of inward substance and character for outward appearances, her very existence and celebration of life is a cry of defiance in the grind of the media machinery. she loves beauty, she loves truth and she seeks them both in her life, in the midst of the ugliness she is learning to accept of her outward appearance, she says she will make the best of what she has, no matter how little it means to others. for this is the truth she has found and claimed, in the face of all the world's lies and those well-meaning people...
for as has been said by St Iraneaus so many centuries ago, God is glorified when man is fully alive, and she knows she can only be fully alive when she has made the best of all that has been given her by her Creator, from her slit eyes to her pudgy body and un-slender legs...she knows that despite everything, her appearance has not stopped her from writing to touch others' lives, from jungle trekking in communion with Mother Nature, from being there for friends and family, from studying and reading and learning, from loving...nor even from living and life itself. she has learned the importance of gentleness and kindness for all of us have broken souls and battered psyches, she bears her own scars and knows that some will never understand the cross she bears and that the cross will never leave her. but she goes on, every breath is an act of courage. every breath is redemption. every breath is salvific love.
the phoenix rises again, it will always rise again, even after it has died a thousand deaths before. if it was a beast in this life, it rises again to be born a phoenix, its feathers gleaming gold as it sweeps across the wide blue sky, its song a song of hope, of strength, of an affirmation for the very gift that was given and is her right as is all who live...
she continues to live, because defiance is her middle name and she will never give up, she will keep fighting as long as she still walks this earth.
because she believes in something bigger than whatever everyone else has told her all this while, platitudes and all. because she knows there's more to life than this."
"she still hears those condescending remarks. they ring, they are pitying, they make her less than what she is and yet as John 8:32 put it, she will know the truth and it will set her free.
through her freedom, though she lives in society with all its standards and demands and rejection of inward substance and character for outward appearances, her very existence and celebration of life is a cry of defiance in the grind of the media machinery. she loves beauty, she loves truth and she seeks them both in her life, in the midst of the ugliness she is learning to accept of her outward appearance, she says she will make the best of what she has, no matter how little it means to others. for this is the truth she has found and claimed, in the face of all the world's lies and those well-meaning people...
for as has been said by St Iraneaus so many centuries ago, God is glorified when man is fully alive, and she knows she can only be fully alive when she has made the best of all that has been given her by her Creator, from her slit eyes to her pudgy body and un-slender legs...she knows that despite everything, her appearance has not stopped her from writing to touch others' lives, from jungle trekking in communion with Mother Nature, from being there for friends and family, from studying and reading and learning, from loving...nor even from living and life itself. she has learned the importance of gentleness and kindness for all of us have broken souls and battered psyches, she bears her own scars and knows that some will never understand the cross she bears and that the cross will never leave her. but she goes on, every breath is an act of courage. every breath is redemption. every breath is salvific love.
the phoenix rises again, it will always rise again, even after it has died a thousand deaths before. if it was a beast in this life, it rises again to be born a phoenix, its feathers gleaming gold as it sweeps across the wide blue sky, its song a song of hope, of strength, of an affirmation for the very gift that was given and is her right as is all who live...
she continues to live, because defiance is her middle name and she will never give up, she will keep fighting as long as she still walks this earth.
because she believes in something bigger than whatever everyone else has told her all this while, platitudes and all. because she knows there's more to life than this."
at random
i had finished washing my hair the other day, and suddenly it struck me how long it was and i had never really noticed until that day... past shoulder, longer than that...and i had it curled not too long ago, it looks nicer than when it did when i was in second year ... :)
always had short hair, sometimes bobbed for the most part of my life and i've been mistaken for a guy so many times i've lost count - a friend's uncle once thought i was her boyfriend when we were out watching a movie...i have a naturally low voice which can pass for a guy's on the phone (the most recent one being when i called the syabas people re the water shortages in kl and the lady on the line said : "please hold on, sir."used to it, didn't flip.)
and the time i was in confession back in fm 2 and the priest told me "i know you are a good boy (!), you always help your mother out ... [some other stuff] ... remember, there are other fish in the sea, there are other girls out there who can make you happy (!!!)."i remember my eyes getting bigger and rounder and my jaw about to drop...errr... i get this feeling he wasn't quite listening to what i was saying or that he even understood...nevermind, i m sure this one confession was still counted. i hope...
well, after realising my hair's length and how i apply conditioner every 2 or 3 days (because i've started to love my hair after abusing it for so long), i had the urge to dress up...yes, foundation, blusher, eyeshadow - light pink, a nice matte brown lipstick, the pink top and ala-denim skirt i bought last cny, and hairclips...i just adore hairclips, although they have this alarming tendency to get lost, or to be separated when i am looking for them...i have a small (but getting larger in time) collection which includes the egg clip, the dark blue and deep red ones, and the sparkly rhinestone clips i wore at my fm 6 graduation nite...
i felt strangely happy. it's been awhile. and it felt good.
i realise that a lot of people in fac treat me as what harn has handily termed as a 'social barometer' that is to say, when i am dressed up properly, wearing either my penguin suit or other formal 'baju' with my black skirt or slacks, they'll know something's on in fac.
i like my jeans/baggy trousers, baggy t-shirts, and sneakers (well-worn from all the walking to and fro) which is my usual attire for lectures...but i am also starting to like dressing up too. because simply put, it's fun. :)
sometimes all you want to do is look nice, real nice...and heck, you can do it for yourself. no worries! :)
always had short hair, sometimes bobbed for the most part of my life and i've been mistaken for a guy so many times i've lost count - a friend's uncle once thought i was her boyfriend when we were out watching a movie...i have a naturally low voice which can pass for a guy's on the phone (the most recent one being when i called the syabas people re the water shortages in kl and the lady on the line said : "please hold on, sir."used to it, didn't flip.)
and the time i was in confession back in fm 2 and the priest told me "i know you are a good boy (!), you always help your mother out ... [some other stuff] ... remember, there are other fish in the sea, there are other girls out there who can make you happy (!!!)."i remember my eyes getting bigger and rounder and my jaw about to drop...errr... i get this feeling he wasn't quite listening to what i was saying or that he even understood...nevermind, i m sure this one confession was still counted. i hope...
well, after realising my hair's length and how i apply conditioner every 2 or 3 days (because i've started to love my hair after abusing it for so long), i had the urge to dress up...yes, foundation, blusher, eyeshadow - light pink, a nice matte brown lipstick, the pink top and ala-denim skirt i bought last cny, and hairclips...i just adore hairclips, although they have this alarming tendency to get lost, or to be separated when i am looking for them...i have a small (but getting larger in time) collection which includes the egg clip, the dark blue and deep red ones, and the sparkly rhinestone clips i wore at my fm 6 graduation nite...
i felt strangely happy. it's been awhile. and it felt good.
i realise that a lot of people in fac treat me as what harn has handily termed as a 'social barometer' that is to say, when i am dressed up properly, wearing either my penguin suit or other formal 'baju' with my black skirt or slacks, they'll know something's on in fac.
i like my jeans/baggy trousers, baggy t-shirts, and sneakers (well-worn from all the walking to and fro) which is my usual attire for lectures...but i am also starting to like dressing up too. because simply put, it's fun. :)
sometimes all you want to do is look nice, real nice...and heck, you can do it for yourself. no worries! :)
beyond the memories...
the moments pass by so quickly
so hard to tell when today blends into tomorrow,
they become one long stretch of story,
replete with pain, joy, bewilderment, anger, and the mundane...
time, time that marches onward
does not always bring the heart and soul with it,
and leaves behind memories
of what was.
and the memories,
sometimes awakened
unpleasantly, sometimes brought to life again,
one relives the struggles and the sorrows,
and though time is a great healer of wounds,
there are those which it can only numb,
or perhaps bury, because it urges you forward to meet the next wave...
the memories,
interlinked with hopes and fears and dreams
can form into
a shattered mass
that lies on the floor, brokenness...
the memories remain forever.
they can never change,
but only change through the person viewing them
for growth brings with it deeper understanding,
and a clearer vision of where life has led them,
so slowly and yet it all fits together,
the unfolding petals into a flower ...
yet beyond the memories
there is peace.
there is hope.
the dawn of the sun as the stars fade into
the brightening sky...
it speaks of surmount.
it speaks of what remains,
the day before you,
one to form, one to shape,
one to make new.
so hard to tell when today blends into tomorrow,
they become one long stretch of story,
replete with pain, joy, bewilderment, anger, and the mundane...
time, time that marches onward
does not always bring the heart and soul with it,
and leaves behind memories
of what was.
and the memories,
sometimes awakened
unpleasantly, sometimes brought to life again,
one relives the struggles and the sorrows,
and though time is a great healer of wounds,
there are those which it can only numb,
or perhaps bury, because it urges you forward to meet the next wave...
the memories,
interlinked with hopes and fears and dreams
can form into
a shattered mass
that lies on the floor, brokenness...
the memories remain forever.
they can never change,
but only change through the person viewing them
for growth brings with it deeper understanding,
and a clearer vision of where life has led them,
so slowly and yet it all fits together,
the unfolding petals into a flower ...
yet beyond the memories
there is peace.
there is hope.
the dawn of the sun as the stars fade into
the brightening sky...
it speaks of surmount.
it speaks of what remains,
the day before you,
one to form, one to shape,
one to make new.
In His time
In His time
In His time, in His time,
He makes all things beautiful, in His time,
Lord, please show me everyday,
As You're teaching me Your way,
That You do just what You say, in Your time.
In Your time, in Your time,
You make all things beautiful, in Your time.
Lord, my life to You I bring,
May each song I have to sing,
Be to You a lovely thing, in Your time.
©1978, Maranatha! Music
Words and Music by Diana Ball
this hymn has special personal significance for me, i will always remember it as the hymn that has helped me through many a rough patch in my life. sometimes when i play it on the piano at home, i recall certain faces and certain things that happened...and a rekindling of faith, and promises fulfilled...
In His time, in His time,
He makes all things beautiful, in His time,
Lord, please show me everyday,
As You're teaching me Your way,
That You do just what You say, in Your time.
In Your time, in Your time,
You make all things beautiful, in Your time.
Lord, my life to You I bring,
May each song I have to sing,
Be to You a lovely thing, in Your time.
©1978, Maranatha! Music
Words and Music by Diana Ball
this hymn has special personal significance for me, i will always remember it as the hymn that has helped me through many a rough patch in my life. sometimes when i play it on the piano at home, i recall certain faces and certain things that happened...and a rekindling of faith, and promises fulfilled...
Sunday, April 23, 2006
dream
it's been awhile since i last dreamed ... stress, sleepless nights, worry, sheer tiredness ...
but today i woke with a vivid vision, and better yet, a conviction in my heart this was truth.
i am still making sense of it...but like so many before which have proven to be foreshadowings of the future, i am certain this is important.
i don't pretend to be clairvoyant, but many a time, things have unfolded according to the shadowy, twilight world between my conscious and unconscious being, and that dreams always tell me something, maybe the things i don't want to deal with in the mad rush called my life, sometimes answers to problematic issues, sometimes the reflections from suppressed emotions, the way the sea seems to calm on the surface, and so full of life and action beneath the blue...and i know always for a purpose still beyond me.
Elizabeth asks me, how do i know? i don't know how, i just do.
inexplicable, but no less real.
but today i woke with a vivid vision, and better yet, a conviction in my heart this was truth.
i am still making sense of it...but like so many before which have proven to be foreshadowings of the future, i am certain this is important.
i don't pretend to be clairvoyant, but many a time, things have unfolded according to the shadowy, twilight world between my conscious and unconscious being, and that dreams always tell me something, maybe the things i don't want to deal with in the mad rush called my life, sometimes answers to problematic issues, sometimes the reflections from suppressed emotions, the way the sea seems to calm on the surface, and so full of life and action beneath the blue...and i know always for a purpose still beyond me.
Elizabeth asks me, how do i know? i don't know how, i just do.
inexplicable, but no less real.
Friday, April 21, 2006
a reflection on a seven year journey...
at first glimpse,
only a blurred outline,
and the faint beginnings of an answer,
seemingly simple,
seemingly straightforward,
and yet time holds out for more...
the second time around,
a closer look, but still the edges are rough,
and through the haze of pain,
alone, always alone in the heavy still silence,
finding again an answer, the answer that is
not yet complete,
and the eyes, the soul shrouded in a burning ache,
looks up to see a soothing, calming answer
that cannot yet know completion...
the third time comes
suddenly as it is wont to do,
and when it does,
eyes opened,
heart ready,
come face to face with destiny,
the answer that has reached its fulfilment,
the journey is only beginning yet...
seven years, and only now do i glimpse the pieces of His pattern and meaning in my life...how it has all fitted together, and how i have never really understood...who would have thought? and like a refrain, a peaceful, tranquil counter-melody that runs beneath the highly excitable and fast paced melodic line that is my life, it has repeated its theme, calling me, urging me forward, and i can no longer resist the call. i know i must do what is right, sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti (from 'Africa' by Toto)...it rouses me from the stupor i am in as i stumble from day-to-day, wakes me up to see beyond the horizons of today and blends past, present, future, breaching the boundaries of self...
the path is long, and the day still young...the quest, and where does it end? quo vadis - where do i go from here? it stretches out, and i know as i walk, there will be bends, there will be crossroads, there will be moments when i am called to choose...and choose i will, in His name all be done.
each day shows me a new piece in the pattern, each day i live and walk with the God of surprises...and He is always showing me new ways He surprises me...
amen.
only a blurred outline,
and the faint beginnings of an answer,
seemingly simple,
seemingly straightforward,
and yet time holds out for more...
the second time around,
a closer look, but still the edges are rough,
and through the haze of pain,
alone, always alone in the heavy still silence,
finding again an answer, the answer that is
not yet complete,
and the eyes, the soul shrouded in a burning ache,
looks up to see a soothing, calming answer
that cannot yet know completion...
the third time comes
suddenly as it is wont to do,
and when it does,
eyes opened,
heart ready,
come face to face with destiny,
the answer that has reached its fulfilment,
the journey is only beginning yet...
seven years, and only now do i glimpse the pieces of His pattern and meaning in my life...how it has all fitted together, and how i have never really understood...who would have thought? and like a refrain, a peaceful, tranquil counter-melody that runs beneath the highly excitable and fast paced melodic line that is my life, it has repeated its theme, calling me, urging me forward, and i can no longer resist the call. i know i must do what is right, sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti (from 'Africa' by Toto)...it rouses me from the stupor i am in as i stumble from day-to-day, wakes me up to see beyond the horizons of today and blends past, present, future, breaching the boundaries of self...
the path is long, and the day still young...the quest, and where does it end? quo vadis - where do i go from here? it stretches out, and i know as i walk, there will be bends, there will be crossroads, there will be moments when i am called to choose...and choose i will, in His name all be done.
each day shows me a new piece in the pattern, each day i live and walk with the God of surprises...and He is always showing me new ways He surprises me...
amen.
at last...
2 down, 3 more to go...
and the worst of it, law of associations is over!!! i think i failed it, though. very tough paper. but still, my grandma would say i should look ahead, not behind, because eyes are for looking forward, not behind...
i will never forget hearing Madonna's Hung Up in my head every time the lecture began
time goes by, so slowly,
time goes by...
and the moment the lecturer left the hall, joy! it's time for equity, not that i loved the subject but it was a lot more approachable...:)
and yes, i put it behind me at last! uh, unless i flunk, and have to see my company law lecturer all over again next year...:P
and the worst of it, law of associations is over!!! i think i failed it, though. very tough paper. but still, my grandma would say i should look ahead, not behind, because eyes are for looking forward, not behind...
i will never forget hearing Madonna's Hung Up in my head every time the lecture began
time goes by, so slowly,
time goes by...
and the moment the lecturer left the hall, joy! it's time for equity, not that i loved the subject but it was a lot more approachable...:)
and yes, i put it behind me at last! uh, unless i flunk, and have to see my company law lecturer all over again next year...:P
101 reasons not to be a lawyer...
the life of a lawyer is indeed perilous, and filled with many dangers...who can foresee the hidden traps and unseen monsters, wild beasts and treacherous plant life that lie in wait for the unwary lawyer in the midst of the frightening legal jungle...
presenting...the occupational hazards faced by lawyers...
firstly, the paper cut. the ubiquitous paper cut, the unsuspecting lawyer faces this potentially life-threatening injury with particular emphasis on the finger regions when he or she handles large stacks of paper in the form of dry,dusty and sometimes musty documents.
ah, the blood...one can almost faint at the sight of the tiny droplets of blood that come out, bright red and most importantly, staining the legal document in question as such as whether it is still presentable before the judge/client.
secondly, brain cancer. the name speaks for itself. the massive amounts of thinking required leaves law no task for the feeble-minded, and one of the sad but inevitable consequences of such thinking is the onset of brain cancer. how does one avoid this? a lawyer is indeed paid to think. perhaps an insurance of the brain may be in order. depending on the amount of actual thinking as compared to socialising, the costs may range from affordable to highly prohibitive.
thirdly, lung cancer and/or cirhosis of the liver. noting the stress buildup from the argumentative and sometimes artificial nature of law, lawyers often turn to stress-relievers such as cigarettes* and alcohol. because as they work hard, they too play hard. this has given rise to a quaint little ditty which goes:
smoke like a chimney, drink like a fish. if you don't die of lung cancer, you'll die of cirhosis of the liver.
and one simply cannot forget the many blisters lawyers suffer from wearing tight, cramped court shoes in (where else?) court, facing the judges. these blisters may prove slow to heal due to repeated friction on the same areas of the foot in question, causing qualified medical personnel to suspect diabetes mellitus, a debilitating disease that has unwanted side effects of blindness, gangrene and foot amputations. indeed, who could foresee the tragic consequences from a mere blister? so, once again, the occupational hazards are nothing to sniff at.
litigation itself presents hazards in the form of judgitis, a malady which affects the judiciary, causing the build-up of a huge ego and a mean temper and has further detrimental effects on lawyers before the bench, wobbly knees and shaky submissions and most tragically, irreparable damage to their self-esteem.
and you know you've been a lawyer or in the industry for far too long when you start using jargonese or legalese instead of good plain English, for example, 'lacuna' when what you mean is gap and slipping into moot style filled with 'i submit', 'my lords', 'i beg your indulgence' and the ever-reliable, ultra-stuffy 'much obliged'...and also crossing at zebra crossings, not because it is safer, but because it will be easier to bring an action against any reckless drivers who run you down...and invoking the officious bystander and business efficacy test so as to prevent the restaurant from charging you for a scented napkin you don't even use.
so now that you've heard all this...do you still want to be a lawyer? if no, you're smart, get away as soon as you can, cos they're damned anyway...and if yes, you're insane and you fit right in. here's your pitchfork and the horns are just on their way...!
you don't have to be nuts to work here, but it sure helps. :)
smiles and hugs...
DISCLAIMER :THE WRITERS WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INJURIES, DAMAGE, LOSS OF LIFE, LIMB OR FORTUNE, PSYCHIATRIC ILLNESS, EMOTIONAL DISTRESS, SUDDEN PARALYTIC STROKES, OVERWHELMING DESIRE TO EAT CHOCOLATE BROWNIES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, SCREAMS AND SHOUTS FROM THE SHOCK, DISTURBANCES IN THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM, RIPPLES IN THE FORCE, LACK OF FAITH IN ESTABLISHED INSTITUTIONS, A SUDDEN DESIRE TO BASH ALL LAWYERS UP (AS IF THEY DON'T SUFFER ENOUGH ALREADY), ALIENATION BY NEIGHBOURS, FRIENDS, FAMILY, ACQUAINTANCES, STRANGERS AND VISITORS FROM BETELGEUSE 5, A FETISH FOR LONG BLACK ROBES AND TIGHT BLACK SHOES AND ANY OR ALL OTHER ASSORTED AFFLICTIONS,AILMENTS, DISORDERS, INDISPOSITIONS, INFIRMITIES, MALAISE, MALADIES, DISEASES, DISCOMFORTS OR ALL OTHER SIGNS OF ILL HEALTH, WHETHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED AS A RESULT OF READING THIS SERIOUS MEDICAL REPORT.
this medical report was brought to you by the combined efforts and joint insanity of silmarien and petrina7.
have a nice day, hope we didn't put you off your food. note: we (heart) lawyers!
for 2 sen, we will found a SPCL (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Lawyers) first of all dedicated to reducing the deplorably large number of lawyer jokes in the world today.
remember : lawyers provide an important public service, even leeches, ticks and maggots have their purposes in God's grand scheme of things.
petrina7 also wishes to plug her Save Petrina Fund, in existence since 1999 (it's like the EPF, only different because the contributions are for ME, and not YOU)...remember, every little sen helps to save Petrina... if you can donate money to save the dugongs, why not her? what to save her from? hidup menjadi-jadi dengan petrina7, she is a SIRIM certified 100% weirdo and trouble magnet... save her from demented taxi drivers, and strange men who demand to know about the um law library and sneering seniors, and nasty geniuses who don't work well with stupid people...
*in fact, one of the co-writers of this post almost took up smoking... would you like to (ahem) hazard a guess? no flowers, no prizes, donations to the Save Petrina Fund will do.
presenting...the occupational hazards faced by lawyers...
firstly, the paper cut. the ubiquitous paper cut, the unsuspecting lawyer faces this potentially life-threatening injury with particular emphasis on the finger regions when he or she handles large stacks of paper in the form of dry,dusty and sometimes musty documents.
ah, the blood...one can almost faint at the sight of the tiny droplets of blood that come out, bright red and most importantly, staining the legal document in question as such as whether it is still presentable before the judge/client.
secondly, brain cancer. the name speaks for itself. the massive amounts of thinking required leaves law no task for the feeble-minded, and one of the sad but inevitable consequences of such thinking is the onset of brain cancer. how does one avoid this? a lawyer is indeed paid to think. perhaps an insurance of the brain may be in order. depending on the amount of actual thinking as compared to socialising, the costs may range from affordable to highly prohibitive.
thirdly, lung cancer and/or cirhosis of the liver. noting the stress buildup from the argumentative and sometimes artificial nature of law, lawyers often turn to stress-relievers such as cigarettes* and alcohol. because as they work hard, they too play hard. this has given rise to a quaint little ditty which goes:
smoke like a chimney, drink like a fish. if you don't die of lung cancer, you'll die of cirhosis of the liver.
and one simply cannot forget the many blisters lawyers suffer from wearing tight, cramped court shoes in (where else?) court, facing the judges. these blisters may prove slow to heal due to repeated friction on the same areas of the foot in question, causing qualified medical personnel to suspect diabetes mellitus, a debilitating disease that has unwanted side effects of blindness, gangrene and foot amputations. indeed, who could foresee the tragic consequences from a mere blister? so, once again, the occupational hazards are nothing to sniff at.
litigation itself presents hazards in the form of judgitis, a malady which affects the judiciary, causing the build-up of a huge ego and a mean temper and has further detrimental effects on lawyers before the bench, wobbly knees and shaky submissions and most tragically, irreparable damage to their self-esteem.
and you know you've been a lawyer or in the industry for far too long when you start using jargonese or legalese instead of good plain English, for example, 'lacuna' when what you mean is gap and slipping into moot style filled with 'i submit', 'my lords', 'i beg your indulgence' and the ever-reliable, ultra-stuffy 'much obliged'...and also crossing at zebra crossings, not because it is safer, but because it will be easier to bring an action against any reckless drivers who run you down...and invoking the officious bystander and business efficacy test so as to prevent the restaurant from charging you for a scented napkin you don't even use.
so now that you've heard all this...do you still want to be a lawyer? if no, you're smart, get away as soon as you can, cos they're damned anyway...and if yes, you're insane and you fit right in. here's your pitchfork and the horns are just on their way...!
you don't have to be nuts to work here, but it sure helps. :)
smiles and hugs...
DISCLAIMER :THE WRITERS WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INJURIES, DAMAGE, LOSS OF LIFE, LIMB OR FORTUNE, PSYCHIATRIC ILLNESS, EMOTIONAL DISTRESS, SUDDEN PARALYTIC STROKES, OVERWHELMING DESIRE TO EAT CHOCOLATE BROWNIES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, SCREAMS AND SHOUTS FROM THE SHOCK, DISTURBANCES IN THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM, RIPPLES IN THE FORCE, LACK OF FAITH IN ESTABLISHED INSTITUTIONS, A SUDDEN DESIRE TO BASH ALL LAWYERS UP (AS IF THEY DON'T SUFFER ENOUGH ALREADY), ALIENATION BY NEIGHBOURS, FRIENDS, FAMILY, ACQUAINTANCES, STRANGERS AND VISITORS FROM BETELGEUSE 5, A FETISH FOR LONG BLACK ROBES AND TIGHT BLACK SHOES AND ANY OR ALL OTHER ASSORTED AFFLICTIONS,AILMENTS, DISORDERS, INDISPOSITIONS, INFIRMITIES, MALAISE, MALADIES, DISEASES, DISCOMFORTS OR ALL OTHER SIGNS OF ILL HEALTH, WHETHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED AS A RESULT OF READING THIS SERIOUS MEDICAL REPORT.
this medical report was brought to you by the combined efforts and joint insanity of silmarien and petrina7.
have a nice day, hope we didn't put you off your food. note: we (heart) lawyers!
for 2 sen, we will found a SPCL (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Lawyers) first of all dedicated to reducing the deplorably large number of lawyer jokes in the world today.
remember : lawyers provide an important public service, even leeches, ticks and maggots have their purposes in God's grand scheme of things.
petrina7 also wishes to plug her Save Petrina Fund, in existence since 1999 (it's like the EPF, only different because the contributions are for ME, and not YOU)...remember, every little sen helps to save Petrina... if you can donate money to save the dugongs, why not her? what to save her from? hidup menjadi-jadi dengan petrina7, she is a SIRIM certified 100% weirdo and trouble magnet... save her from demented taxi drivers, and strange men who demand to know about the um law library and sneering seniors, and nasty geniuses who don't work well with stupid people...
*in fact, one of the co-writers of this post almost took up smoking... would you like to (ahem) hazard a guess? no flowers, no prizes, donations to the Save Petrina Fund will do.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
sparks and warmth...
so you look upon the other, and feel your heart leap in anticipation and yet sink in a dread, inexplicable. it pounds and it pounds, you feel it thud against your chest and your breath is hurried. your mind wanders, it has constructed for itself so many pictures of an idyllic time spent together and you smile, so sweet, so happy and so blissful...and the sparks fly in your heart and linger in your eyes, you are deeply, nay, madly in love. you long to hold the other's hand, and see face to face, and then take the first step into a life, an eternity together.
but there may be, and it is not impossible...that love grows in the heart, simmers as time goes by, building up until the one fateful morning, when life slips out of its comfortable groove, that you cannot imagine life without that person...it had been growing in your heart all this while and you were so unaware, and now that you know, you feel the depth of its roots, unshakeable and strong. and it warms you from within, top to toe, strengthens and encourages you...
but there may be, and it is not impossible...that love grows in the heart, simmers as time goes by, building up until the one fateful morning, when life slips out of its comfortable groove, that you cannot imagine life without that person...it had been growing in your heart all this while and you were so unaware, and now that you know, you feel the depth of its roots, unshakeable and strong. and it warms you from within, top to toe, strengthens and encourages you...
Saturday, April 15, 2006
a God of surprises...
a revelation.
quiet, but effective. and the truth. the truth i cannot yet embrace, but must if i am to be set free.
His time is not ours...it is His, and all of us are subject to it.
and plans, things one hopes to achieve, things one sees in the future and beyond.
so unexpected, and yet not unwelcome. and time...time is what will ultimately provide an answer though at present, the questions far outnumber any semblance of answers.
so the journey continues, a new quest brought to light by the preceding circumstances. one, by His grace, i will complete, will fulfil.
today the Lord rises from the dead...and i give thanks from the deepest depths of my little soul. and in so doing, remember ... He is a God of surprises and i am still catching on.
amen.
quiet, but effective. and the truth. the truth i cannot yet embrace, but must if i am to be set free.
His time is not ours...it is His, and all of us are subject to it.
and plans, things one hopes to achieve, things one sees in the future and beyond.
so unexpected, and yet not unwelcome. and time...time is what will ultimately provide an answer though at present, the questions far outnumber any semblance of answers.
so the journey continues, a new quest brought to light by the preceding circumstances. one, by His grace, i will complete, will fulfil.
today the Lord rises from the dead...and i give thanks from the deepest depths of my little soul. and in so doing, remember ... He is a God of surprises and i am still catching on.
amen.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Good Friday...
i got this article off catholicexchange, and thought it extremely appropriate for today. at the rate it's been raining, i thought i would have to call off going for service as i had been planning on walking to church...luckily i managed to get a lift from my sister's colleague, and we will now go for the 8pm service. :)
A Sense of Loss
Outside, it’s an ordinary day. The streets are busy, people are buying and selling, there are families in the parks and planes in the air. It’s springtime in Atlanta, and already the earth’s beauty is beginning to be seen.
Inside, things are different. I feel a sense of loss, a sense of a great drama taking place. This is the day on which we commemorate the Crucifixion of Jesus. I cannot help thinking about it, at least from time to time. In the evening, my wife and I will go to church for a Tenebrae service, somber and sometimes even harsh. When it’s over, the worshipers will leave in silence, totally unlike any other service of the year.
My awareness of Good Friday makes the very ordinariness of the city and the suburbs seem bizarre, remote, almost unreal. I have my mind on profound and solemn things; to some extent I am even mourning with Jesus’ first disciples. The world around me takes no notice, utterly none. And that is as it should be.
Impossible to Adapt
Good Friday is the one Christian “holiday” that the wider culture, even in America, has not taken up. It is the one holy day whose Christian significance cannot be bleached out to leave a commercially viable residue. Christmas can be for children and families, for shopping, for feasting. Easter can be bunnies and baby chicks, the newness of spring and a whole lot of chocolate. Even a couple of days marked out to honor saints in some Christian traditions — Valentine, Patrick — have been pretty much entirely taken over by a culture of romance and hedonism, sex and shopping.
Not this day. There is nothing marketable about Good Friday. Suffering, sacrifice, injustice, betrayal — what’s to celebrate? What’s to shop for? Who could pig out on a day like that?
The absolute impossibility of adapting Good Friday to consumer culture is most evident in the fact that even the greeting-card industry, which seems capable of churning out more or less appropriate little notes for every conceivable religious event and life occasion, has nothing for today. Can you imagine it?
Because He bled and died,
We’re all choked up inside.
It’s not a lovely day,
But I still hope you’re okay.
Wishing you and yours a joyless, grave,
and yet oddly hopeful Good Friday.
There is simply no way for a culture devoted to lightweight enjoyment and superficial relationships to come to terms with Good Friday. It is, in a sense, the last bulwark of genuine Christian spirituality against the sea of pop religion that has overwhelmed the American churches. This is our day. Madison Avenue, Hollywood, and Nashville can’t take it away from us because they have no idea what to do with it.
Yet this day represents the central mystery in the religion that many want to claim as America’s own. Not only did God become a mortal man, Christianity maintains, but He went all the way through with it, “even unto death.” And not just any death: the Son of God died unjustly at the hands of a worldwide empire that used every means at its disposal to suppress insurgents. A death by torture, a death of shame, a death of horror.
Nor was it solely that, we claim, one more crucifixion among so many hundreds. We say God took on this death in order to give the world life. We say God knew suffering and tragedy so that we might never more feel that we suffer alone. We say God washed away our sins in the blood of Him Who was God made flesh.
An Enduring Sign
There is no greeting card, no trinket, no wrapping paper to celebrate that. Here grief and giving, loss and love, sorrow and salvation mingle in a way that calls forth the most penetrating efforts of human art and intellect to portray and understand. Here is a mystery that is profound beyond cheapening, beyond compromising. It is our day, beyond any culture’s ability to absorb and control.
Good Friday is an enduring sign of Christianity’s maladjustment to the world. Jesus died as the ultimate outsider to power, success, honor, and prosperity. Every time we try to make our religion somehow compatible with those values — that is to say, every day we live this human life — the Cross of Good Friday will stand, in its solemnity, its poverty, and its grief, as the final roadblock to our desire to be conformed.
Good Friday also keeps us mindful of the ultimately paradoxical nature of Christian faith. This day of betrayal and death and grief commemorates what we believe to be our source of life and joy. Day-to-day culture thrives on simple explanations, straightforward accounts. Jesus’ claim that “whoever loses his life will save it” (Mk 8:35) makes no sense in that culture, and Good Friday is a lasting rebuke to our desire to dumb down God’s ways to the level of our security and comfort.
Good Friday keeps me honest in the world. It’s a day when I can’t simply be an American consumer, when I can’t just walk down the street and be one of the oblivious crowd, busy but satisfied with my own goals and values. It points me toward another reality, a painful yet life-giving reality, the reality of God. It wakes me up. It reminds me that if I, like the Apostle Paul, am “always carrying Jesus’ dying around in my body” (2 Cor 4:10), then there must be something of Good Friday in every day.
David Rensberger is Professor of New Testament at the Interdenominational Theological Center in Atlanta, Georgia.
This article originally appeared on Beliefnet.com and is used by permission.
A Sense of Loss
Outside, it’s an ordinary day. The streets are busy, people are buying and selling, there are families in the parks and planes in the air. It’s springtime in Atlanta, and already the earth’s beauty is beginning to be seen.
Inside, things are different. I feel a sense of loss, a sense of a great drama taking place. This is the day on which we commemorate the Crucifixion of Jesus. I cannot help thinking about it, at least from time to time. In the evening, my wife and I will go to church for a Tenebrae service, somber and sometimes even harsh. When it’s over, the worshipers will leave in silence, totally unlike any other service of the year.
My awareness of Good Friday makes the very ordinariness of the city and the suburbs seem bizarre, remote, almost unreal. I have my mind on profound and solemn things; to some extent I am even mourning with Jesus’ first disciples. The world around me takes no notice, utterly none. And that is as it should be.
Impossible to Adapt
Good Friday is the one Christian “holiday” that the wider culture, even in America, has not taken up. It is the one holy day whose Christian significance cannot be bleached out to leave a commercially viable residue. Christmas can be for children and families, for shopping, for feasting. Easter can be bunnies and baby chicks, the newness of spring and a whole lot of chocolate. Even a couple of days marked out to honor saints in some Christian traditions — Valentine, Patrick — have been pretty much entirely taken over by a culture of romance and hedonism, sex and shopping.
Not this day. There is nothing marketable about Good Friday. Suffering, sacrifice, injustice, betrayal — what’s to celebrate? What’s to shop for? Who could pig out on a day like that?
The absolute impossibility of adapting Good Friday to consumer culture is most evident in the fact that even the greeting-card industry, which seems capable of churning out more or less appropriate little notes for every conceivable religious event and life occasion, has nothing for today. Can you imagine it?
Because He bled and died,
We’re all choked up inside.
It’s not a lovely day,
But I still hope you’re okay.
Wishing you and yours a joyless, grave,
and yet oddly hopeful Good Friday.
There is simply no way for a culture devoted to lightweight enjoyment and superficial relationships to come to terms with Good Friday. It is, in a sense, the last bulwark of genuine Christian spirituality against the sea of pop religion that has overwhelmed the American churches. This is our day. Madison Avenue, Hollywood, and Nashville can’t take it away from us because they have no idea what to do with it.
Yet this day represents the central mystery in the religion that many want to claim as America’s own. Not only did God become a mortal man, Christianity maintains, but He went all the way through with it, “even unto death.” And not just any death: the Son of God died unjustly at the hands of a worldwide empire that used every means at its disposal to suppress insurgents. A death by torture, a death of shame, a death of horror.
Nor was it solely that, we claim, one more crucifixion among so many hundreds. We say God took on this death in order to give the world life. We say God knew suffering and tragedy so that we might never more feel that we suffer alone. We say God washed away our sins in the blood of Him Who was God made flesh.
An Enduring Sign
There is no greeting card, no trinket, no wrapping paper to celebrate that. Here grief and giving, loss and love, sorrow and salvation mingle in a way that calls forth the most penetrating efforts of human art and intellect to portray and understand. Here is a mystery that is profound beyond cheapening, beyond compromising. It is our day, beyond any culture’s ability to absorb and control.
Good Friday is an enduring sign of Christianity’s maladjustment to the world. Jesus died as the ultimate outsider to power, success, honor, and prosperity. Every time we try to make our religion somehow compatible with those values — that is to say, every day we live this human life — the Cross of Good Friday will stand, in its solemnity, its poverty, and its grief, as the final roadblock to our desire to be conformed.
Good Friday also keeps us mindful of the ultimately paradoxical nature of Christian faith. This day of betrayal and death and grief commemorates what we believe to be our source of life and joy. Day-to-day culture thrives on simple explanations, straightforward accounts. Jesus’ claim that “whoever loses his life will save it” (Mk 8:35) makes no sense in that culture, and Good Friday is a lasting rebuke to our desire to dumb down God’s ways to the level of our security and comfort.
Good Friday keeps me honest in the world. It’s a day when I can’t simply be an American consumer, when I can’t just walk down the street and be one of the oblivious crowd, busy but satisfied with my own goals and values. It points me toward another reality, a painful yet life-giving reality, the reality of God. It wakes me up. It reminds me that if I, like the Apostle Paul, am “always carrying Jesus’ dying around in my body” (2 Cor 4:10), then there must be something of Good Friday in every day.
David Rensberger is Professor of New Testament at the Interdenominational Theological Center in Atlanta, Georgia.
This article originally appeared on Beliefnet.com and is used by permission.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Petition for a better police force...
Dear friends,
Please support the petition to establish Police Complaints and Misconduct Commission (IPCMC) & movement towards a better police force.
To: The Malaysian Government
I/We the undersigned:
1. Commend and support the Prime Minister for having, in the past two years, set up two Commissions of Inquiry to look into matters concerning the Police; illustrating the Government’s concern for a better society, greater openness to views and criticisms, and the willingness to have a more open and honest appraisal of our institutions.
2. Urge that the above trend be continued, and the pace of reform be hastened.
3. Commend the chairman and the commissioners of these 2 Commissions for the sound and useful recommendations that they have put forward.
4. Believe that the recommendations of the Police Commission are comprehensive and balanced; as they do not merely focus on the conduct of the police, but also address problems faced by the police force, their terms of service, as well as issues such as human rights, crime, and corruption.
5. Believe that full regard must be had to the recommendations of the 2 Commissions, set up in the public interest and using public funds, which recommendations have been made after extensive fact-finding and research, and which recommendations will ensure best practices by the police force.
6. Believe that it is imperative that our nation immediately implements all the major recommendations of the 2 Commissions, including, in particular, the setting up of an Independent Police Complaints and Misconduct Commission (IPCMC).
Sincerely,
The Undersigned
Please support the petition to establish Police Complaints and Misconduct Commission (IPCMC) & movement towards a better police force.
To: The Malaysian Government
I/We the undersigned:
1. Commend and support the Prime Minister for having, in the past two years, set up two Commissions of Inquiry to look into matters concerning the Police; illustrating the Government’s concern for a better society, greater openness to views and criticisms, and the willingness to have a more open and honest appraisal of our institutions.
2. Urge that the above trend be continued, and the pace of reform be hastened.
3. Commend the chairman and the commissioners of these 2 Commissions for the sound and useful recommendations that they have put forward.
4. Believe that the recommendations of the Police Commission are comprehensive and balanced; as they do not merely focus on the conduct of the police, but also address problems faced by the police force, their terms of service, as well as issues such as human rights, crime, and corruption.
5. Believe that full regard must be had to the recommendations of the 2 Commissions, set up in the public interest and using public funds, which recommendations have been made after extensive fact-finding and research, and which recommendations will ensure best practices by the police force.
6. Believe that it is imperative that our nation immediately implements all the major recommendations of the 2 Commissions, including, in particular, the setting up of an Independent Police Complaints and Misconduct Commission (IPCMC).
Sincerely,
The Undersigned
Holy Thursday ...
5 more days to Jurisprudence exam, and then 2 weeks later i will be free ...! (at least until i start my attachment in the magistrate's court in ipoh, the thought of wearing black and white everyday, looking like what my bro called a waiter/promoter/mourner...and whether there will be constant tea breaks, or mountains of documents that need stamping etc...)
today is Holy or Maundy Thursday, and i m reminded of a hymn they sing in my church in Ipoh when the foot washing of the apostles is taking place. i would love to sing it for you, but we'll make do with the lyrics at least...simple and full of meaning...
Service
we were made for service,
to care for each other,
we were made to love
each sister and brother,
with love that will last
through sorrow and pain,
a love that will never die with strain.
God sent his son to show us the way
one who loved every moment of the day
one who died that we might live
and ... [forgotten the last line of this verse...sorry!]
life can be so lonely when nobody cares
life can be empty when nobody shares
but if we give ourselves both time and again
the happiness of Christ will live within.
to all Christian friends, Have a Blessed Easter! and to all other people slogging away for exams (read:local uni students) gambade, let's all 'add oil'...('jia you')...and cheer up, nothing can be worse, i m sure, than doing an exam while having a toothache, which was what happened to me in first year during the islamic law paper. i had to have an x-ray and other scary stuff done in the dentistry fac clinic on the saturday after the paper with cheery tina who told me as i was whimpering in a corner "aiya...you won't miss that tooth, extraction is nothing, maybe a lot of blood lah, a bit of pain but still nothing...!"
luckily i didn't have to extract it, but still, i had to have porridge for the rest of the day... and all's well, ends well...
today is Holy or Maundy Thursday, and i m reminded of a hymn they sing in my church in Ipoh when the foot washing of the apostles is taking place. i would love to sing it for you, but we'll make do with the lyrics at least...simple and full of meaning...
Service
we were made for service,
to care for each other,
we were made to love
each sister and brother,
with love that will last
through sorrow and pain,
a love that will never die with strain.
God sent his son to show us the way
one who loved every moment of the day
one who died that we might live
and ... [forgotten the last line of this verse...sorry!]
life can be so lonely when nobody cares
life can be empty when nobody shares
but if we give ourselves both time and again
the happiness of Christ will live within.
to all Christian friends, Have a Blessed Easter! and to all other people slogging away for exams (read:local uni students) gambade, let's all 'add oil'...('jia you')...and cheer up, nothing can be worse, i m sure, than doing an exam while having a toothache, which was what happened to me in first year during the islamic law paper. i had to have an x-ray and other scary stuff done in the dentistry fac clinic on the saturday after the paper with cheery tina who told me as i was whimpering in a corner "aiya...you won't miss that tooth, extraction is nothing, maybe a lot of blood lah, a bit of pain but still nothing...!"
luckily i didn't have to extract it, but still, i had to have porridge for the rest of the day... and all's well, ends well...
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
there will be...
time elapses.
time passes, forming another moment,
interlinking moments that
join to form the days and the nights,
the months and the years...
and yet in the steady passage of time,
you can hear the fall of tears
heartbreak moves of its own dictate,
the pain does not subside even when you order it to,
unabated by the unanswered questions
that gathered since in a secluded place of the heart.
how sudden it seems,
almost forgotten, and yet the wound is fresh.
logic cannot enter, logic knows no reasons,
only a dull ache is left, after the initial flare,
and you sit there, wondering...
yet love itself, love denied, love found, love lost, love found again
speaks to you, accepts bravely,
goes on ahead to see the sun over the horizon.
there will be other tomorrows, there will be other
moonlit nights sprinkled with stars,
there will be other places, faces, visions shared.
dedicated to someone special...you made a difference in my life, i wil never forget you. wishes of peace, happiness and love ... and courage for the decisions you have made to last you all life long. never forget that i am here too. if there is darkness, if there is doubt, we will face it together...as it has always been.
you once told me those words, so short and so meaningful - i now return them to you, in sincerity and trust. ...
time passes, forming another moment,
interlinking moments that
join to form the days and the nights,
the months and the years...
and yet in the steady passage of time,
you can hear the fall of tears
heartbreak moves of its own dictate,
the pain does not subside even when you order it to,
unabated by the unanswered questions
that gathered since in a secluded place of the heart.
how sudden it seems,
almost forgotten, and yet the wound is fresh.
logic cannot enter, logic knows no reasons,
only a dull ache is left, after the initial flare,
and you sit there, wondering...
yet love itself, love denied, love found, love lost, love found again
speaks to you, accepts bravely,
goes on ahead to see the sun over the horizon.
there will be other tomorrows, there will be other
moonlit nights sprinkled with stars,
there will be other places, faces, visions shared.
dedicated to someone special...you made a difference in my life, i wil never forget you. wishes of peace, happiness and love ... and courage for the decisions you have made to last you all life long. never forget that i am here too. if there is darkness, if there is doubt, we will face it together...as it has always been.
you once told me those words, so short and so meaningful - i now return them to you, in sincerity and trust. ...
What does my birthdate mean?
| Your Birthdate: July 24 |
 You understand people well and are a natural born therapist. A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around. You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you. You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people. Your strength: Your devotion Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness Your power color: Lilac Your power symbol: Heart Your power month: June |
Monday, April 10, 2006
faith, hope and love...part 2
When faith is 'Faith', it is not faith,
When hope is 'Hope', it is not hope,
When love is 'Love', it is not love;
but
When 'Faith', 'Hope' and 'Love' die,
then we discover faith, hope and love.
this was taken from a Sunday School teacher's sharing. she asked all of us to think about it...and i thought about this long and hard. at a deeper, more fundamental level, deeper level (deeper than the one i am at as i write this), something clicked inside me...
i understand that at some point, all of us think that we know what faith, hope and love is all about...usually when things are going well. but the truth of the matter is that we don't.
we can only know what faith, hope and love are when we are in our own moment of Gethsemane and when with Jesus, we can cry out aloud as He did on the cross :Eloi eloi lema sabachtani (which means 'Father, Father, why you have abandoned me?)...caught up in pain, a haze of sadness that seems to hang over us and threatens to choke us in its insidious but powerful grip and worse, a paralysing despair that nothing we can ever do will bring us back to where we were...
because as the last vestiges of what we had presumed to call faith, hope, and love fall from our beings - nothing but a pretentious and naive belief as yet untested, a hope that was built on self-sufficiency and very human dreams and ambitions and a love that was so narrow, so limiting in its reach - we discover that true faith, true hope and true love have started to grow in our heart's soil. our eyes have been opened, we have shared in what Jesus went through more than 2000 years ago...we begin to understand really what it's all about...
p/s i was very stressed this morning, i know... because when i was talking with my friend, i didn't sigh. i just said out loud ..."SIGH." and then i spelled it out "S-I-G-H", as i did when i was in Midvalley once, and i went "KEDAI. K-E-D-A-I. SHOPS. S-H-O-P-S".
When hope is 'Hope', it is not hope,
When love is 'Love', it is not love;
but
When 'Faith', 'Hope' and 'Love' die,
then we discover faith, hope and love.
this was taken from a Sunday School teacher's sharing. she asked all of us to think about it...and i thought about this long and hard. at a deeper, more fundamental level, deeper level (deeper than the one i am at as i write this), something clicked inside me...
i understand that at some point, all of us think that we know what faith, hope and love is all about...usually when things are going well. but the truth of the matter is that we don't.
we can only know what faith, hope and love are when we are in our own moment of Gethsemane and when with Jesus, we can cry out aloud as He did on the cross :Eloi eloi lema sabachtani (which means 'Father, Father, why you have abandoned me?)...caught up in pain, a haze of sadness that seems to hang over us and threatens to choke us in its insidious but powerful grip and worse, a paralysing despair that nothing we can ever do will bring us back to where we were...
because as the last vestiges of what we had presumed to call faith, hope, and love fall from our beings - nothing but a pretentious and naive belief as yet untested, a hope that was built on self-sufficiency and very human dreams and ambitions and a love that was so narrow, so limiting in its reach - we discover that true faith, true hope and true love have started to grow in our heart's soil. our eyes have been opened, we have shared in what Jesus went through more than 2000 years ago...we begin to understand really what it's all about...
p/s i was very stressed this morning, i know... because when i was talking with my friend, i didn't sigh. i just said out loud ..."SIGH." and then i spelled it out "S-I-G-H", as i did when i was in Midvalley once, and i went "KEDAI. K-E-D-A-I. SHOPS. S-H-O-P-S".
Beyond psalm 23...
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd,
i shall not want,
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
he leads me beside still waters;
he restores my soul.
he leads me in right paths
for his name's sake.
Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
i fear no evil;
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff -
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
surely goodness and mercy
shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and i shall dwell in the house
of the Lord,
my whole life long.
Beyond Psalm 23...
when the shepherd has brought the
sheep to the rich, plentiful grass
besides the fresh streams flowing,
whither next?
the shepherd looks ahead,
he knows the source of the stream,
and where the stream joins river joins sea...
he knows where the grass began, small seeds
and now stretched as far as the eye
and where it ends, blending into the horizon...
he knows all,
and where the cross is
cloaked in sunset,
he knows of the son, resurrected
dawn of a new life for all.
(there was a simple illustration i drew with this poem, but i couldn't scan it here. anyway, it shows a shepherd looking ahead with a crook in his hand. inspired by the fact it's holy week, and soon comes Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Vigil and Easter Sunday...)
The Lord is my shepherd,
i shall not want,
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
he leads me beside still waters;
he restores my soul.
he leads me in right paths
for his name's sake.
Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
i fear no evil;
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff -
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
surely goodness and mercy
shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and i shall dwell in the house
of the Lord,
my whole life long.
Beyond Psalm 23...
when the shepherd has brought the
sheep to the rich, plentiful grass
besides the fresh streams flowing,
whither next?
the shepherd looks ahead,
he knows the source of the stream,
and where the stream joins river joins sea...
he knows where the grass began, small seeds
and now stretched as far as the eye
and where it ends, blending into the horizon...
he knows all,
and where the cross is
cloaked in sunset,
he knows of the son, resurrected
dawn of a new life for all.
(there was a simple illustration i drew with this poem, but i couldn't scan it here. anyway, it shows a shepherd looking ahead with a crook in his hand. inspired by the fact it's holy week, and soon comes Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Vigil and Easter Sunday...)
Saturday, April 08, 2006
those moments...
ever had those moments when your mind goes blank, and all you can even manage to say is "Good Lord!" in a shocked tone of voice. and your eyes can't quite believe what you see...
ever had those moments, when deep in conversation, a bombshell lands at your feet, and all you can say, after the longest pause ever where you can hear a feather fall, is..."Ohhhh-kaaaaay..." the words slowly dragged out, maybe a little unwillingly even.
ever had those moments when words simply failed, and all you did was look, extend a hand and you tried to give as much comfort as you could, especially when you yourself didn't know what to say and were just confused and bewildered as the other...? and where your words sounded as hollow as a reed, you couldn't really understand, you could never really understand...and yet you cared?
ever had those moments, when deep in conversation, a bombshell lands at your feet, and all you can say, after the longest pause ever where you can hear a feather fall, is..."Ohhhh-kaaaaay..." the words slowly dragged out, maybe a little unwillingly even.
ever had those moments when words simply failed, and all you did was look, extend a hand and you tried to give as much comfort as you could, especially when you yourself didn't know what to say and were just confused and bewildered as the other...? and where your words sounded as hollow as a reed, you couldn't really understand, you could never really understand...and yet you cared?
Friday, April 07, 2006
who are you?
the woman died after a long life, she considered she had quite a rich and varied life...she thought of her family, her friends, her cats, the flowers in the garden, her own parents...the pictures played in her mind's eye as finally she reached the Pearly Gates.
and there St Peter asked her, before he would let her in: who are you?
glibly, smoothly, she answered with her name. the name given her by her parents. the name she was known by in her earthly life.
and again St Peter asked her, almost as if he had not heard : who are you?
she tried another tack, she replied that she was married to a Mr X and had y number of children.
still the same question he asked in response: who are you?
she began to look flustered, she spoke of her doings, what she liked, what she hated, what she believed in, what she was good at, she kept on speaking, hoping to hit the mark. but she never did. and so at last, when she had exhausted herself, she could no longer describe herself or what she had taken herself to stand for...she was silent, and again, St Peter asked her yet again: who are you?
and some days just come down to this. wondering who i am, more than a name and an identity - some which was given to me at birth and some which i have crafted for myself, wondering and wandering in the desert with a million burning questions searing into my mind, right into the heartlands of what makes me me.
days i feel i spend alone, although around me there is much movement, and so much noise. the interior is always quiet, though. the silence comforts, depth is to be found in the absence of sound, but for the beating of my heart, which has begun to slow down after its initial burst of speed...
who am i, if you take away my name, my face, my religion, my gifts, my failings, my humiliations, my successes, all that the world deems makes a person who he or she is? who am i indeed...?
does the lack of an identity, so to speak, mean that i am no longer who i was? or have i become pure spirit...one now no longer unbounded by body...? soul?
i wander again, and i stop for awhile for the journey is long, and i have begun to tire.
and as i place my tired eyes upon the horizon, where the sun is already setting, i sense a presence. i am surprised, although i should not be. it is God, and His light radiates. and He does not say anything. i too, in my surprise, do not say anything. and we both look at each other for the longest while.
i have always known my heartlands to be a place far, far away from any ties, human or otherwise. it is deep within, a secret place that defies all my feeble attempts at description - it is where long before i have reached where i am in the real world, i have existed.
and here i discover God whom i had only vaguely associated with sunday Mass and the gospels, and i wonder what He is doing here.
in His silence, in the shared silence that draws both of us in, i begin to understand...my eyes begin to see something new...who am i indeed, when all the world has ended? and i can no longer rely on humankind or life itself for answers? and i am here, alone, with my Lord, silent...?
i am who i am. the core of my being. the centre that knows no turmoil, despite the surface rages and tempests of an unruly life. the desert that is life-giving, the desert where God is with me, always. the part of me that remains unchangeable and unshakeable, in a purity i find at such odds with the tattered, soiled fabric i call my heart and soul. the part that is tranquility, solace, love and faith...the part that watches, and finds comprehension in the most incomprehensible of things, and allows me to see how it is possible to be connected, and yet be a detached being. there are many things i am only beginning to see, there are many things i cannot as yet bend my mind toward...but i have faith, and where logic can no longer prevail, my self takes a leap over the philosophical roadblock. the chasm awaits, but i am not afraid.
truly, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. truly, we are made in His image and likeness...
and if St Peter should ask, i may not be able to answer. words can only go so far. but i would have known a little more, and seen a little more. and perhaps he might understand...
and there St Peter asked her, before he would let her in: who are you?
glibly, smoothly, she answered with her name. the name given her by her parents. the name she was known by in her earthly life.
and again St Peter asked her, almost as if he had not heard : who are you?
she tried another tack, she replied that she was married to a Mr X and had y number of children.
still the same question he asked in response: who are you?
she began to look flustered, she spoke of her doings, what she liked, what she hated, what she believed in, what she was good at, she kept on speaking, hoping to hit the mark. but she never did. and so at last, when she had exhausted herself, she could no longer describe herself or what she had taken herself to stand for...she was silent, and again, St Peter asked her yet again: who are you?
and some days just come down to this. wondering who i am, more than a name and an identity - some which was given to me at birth and some which i have crafted for myself, wondering and wandering in the desert with a million burning questions searing into my mind, right into the heartlands of what makes me me.
days i feel i spend alone, although around me there is much movement, and so much noise. the interior is always quiet, though. the silence comforts, depth is to be found in the absence of sound, but for the beating of my heart, which has begun to slow down after its initial burst of speed...
who am i, if you take away my name, my face, my religion, my gifts, my failings, my humiliations, my successes, all that the world deems makes a person who he or she is? who am i indeed...?
does the lack of an identity, so to speak, mean that i am no longer who i was? or have i become pure spirit...one now no longer unbounded by body...? soul?
i wander again, and i stop for awhile for the journey is long, and i have begun to tire.
and as i place my tired eyes upon the horizon, where the sun is already setting, i sense a presence. i am surprised, although i should not be. it is God, and His light radiates. and He does not say anything. i too, in my surprise, do not say anything. and we both look at each other for the longest while.
i have always known my heartlands to be a place far, far away from any ties, human or otherwise. it is deep within, a secret place that defies all my feeble attempts at description - it is where long before i have reached where i am in the real world, i have existed.
and here i discover God whom i had only vaguely associated with sunday Mass and the gospels, and i wonder what He is doing here.
in His silence, in the shared silence that draws both of us in, i begin to understand...my eyes begin to see something new...who am i indeed, when all the world has ended? and i can no longer rely on humankind or life itself for answers? and i am here, alone, with my Lord, silent...?
i am who i am. the core of my being. the centre that knows no turmoil, despite the surface rages and tempests of an unruly life. the desert that is life-giving, the desert where God is with me, always. the part of me that remains unchangeable and unshakeable, in a purity i find at such odds with the tattered, soiled fabric i call my heart and soul. the part that is tranquility, solace, love and faith...the part that watches, and finds comprehension in the most incomprehensible of things, and allows me to see how it is possible to be connected, and yet be a detached being. there are many things i am only beginning to see, there are many things i cannot as yet bend my mind toward...but i have faith, and where logic can no longer prevail, my self takes a leap over the philosophical roadblock. the chasm awaits, but i am not afraid.
truly, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. truly, we are made in His image and likeness...
and if St Peter should ask, i may not be able to answer. words can only go so far. but i would have known a little more, and seen a little more. and perhaps he might understand...
The Gospel of Judas
move out of the way, Dan Brown and the Da Vinci Code, the latest to hit the news is the latest discovery of the Gospel of Judas. you can read about it here.
for a closer look at the manuscript's genuine status and whether its story is true or not, please read this.
there is an excellent interview with Fr Thomas Williams, dean of theology at Regina Apostolorum university at Rome which speaks of the Catholic position on the issue. without being offensive and/or hostile, he has managed to speak for the faithful with conviction and certainty.
for a closer look at the manuscript's genuine status and whether its story is true or not, please read this.
there is an excellent interview with Fr Thomas Williams, dean of theology at Regina Apostolorum university at Rome which speaks of the Catholic position on the issue. without being offensive and/or hostile, he has managed to speak for the faithful with conviction and certainty.
apparently... part 2
apparently, quite a number of people read this blog...
i just found out from Fr Chris, our campus minister that he found my blog on the internet, and he did not find the writing here un-understandable and obscure (a complaint i've often had levelled against my writing). anyway, thanks for visiting, Fr...and how you got here still takes my breath away...it all began from google.com ;)
this is one low tech site - no site counter, no RSS feed, no daisypath chain, no tag board, no technorati link to see who links here...and i never fail to be amazed by people who tell me they read my blog...
here's a shout-out to all you people who read this blog, those who do leave comments, and the majority of you who don't. i appreciate the time you've spent here.
take care and have a nice day!
i just found out from Fr Chris, our campus minister that he found my blog on the internet, and he did not find the writing here un-understandable and obscure (a complaint i've often had levelled against my writing). anyway, thanks for visiting, Fr...and how you got here still takes my breath away...it all began from google.com ;)
this is one low tech site - no site counter, no RSS feed, no daisypath chain, no tag board, no technorati link to see who links here...and i never fail to be amazed by people who tell me they read my blog...
here's a shout-out to all you people who read this blog, those who do leave comments, and the majority of you who don't. i appreciate the time you've spent here.
take care and have a nice day!
Thursday, April 06, 2006
a tribute to Tina ...
today, after lunch with one of the most colourful and fun characters in my life, i've decided to dedicate this blog post to her...presenting : a tribute to Tina Kooi...
i first met tina when i was in first year of uni...we met at the LF that used to be held at the arts fac...she was a quantity surveying student from 'alam bina' fac and my, she talked loud and fast and non-stop, putting even someone who once won a 'talk-non-stop' award to shame...but we did get on like a house on fire, and have remained good friends since. :)
we share this love of eating and free samples from supermarkets, and one of our special joys would be going to carrefour or giant or jusco and trying all kinds of food and drink. i will never forget how shocked tina looked when i ate some Rusky instant noodles-curry flavour and then choked when the curry went up my nose, and an awful woman started to laugh. apparently my face turned red, and my eyes watered...then tina laughed and she still remembers i can't eat curry up to today...
the days when tina, drina and i went out together, i will never forget how tina got me to join her and drina to watch a midnight movie at Midvalley in second year, and that was when i had an admin tutorial which i had barely prepared for and my first oral training session for Jessup the very next day...it was Phantom of the Opera, an excellent movie. the movie watching experience was fun, except when tina nudged me midway and asked, as if it were the most amazing thing in the whole wide world, "pet, you sobbing ah?"...
and during alexander, a horrendous turkey of a movie, she nudged me again "pet, you sleeping ah?"...in the same tones. for the record, i did both of those things she asked me about...
tina is very good company, fun to talk to, chock full of humourous and witty quotes and is extremely sensible. if you want fuss-free, no frills and down-to-earth practical advice, this is the person to look for. also a great friend to shop with, yeah...the lesson of the woodcutter's son, no?
but the one thing which will always touch me, which i will definitely never forget is how she came to support me during Jessup in second year...how she sat there and watched me and horkee moot against the UKM team, and then i took her all round the fac and that's when she told me about red bricks (she truly has a passion for what she's doing, she always shares with me about construction stuff etc)...how comforting she was after we lost, and how we went back to watch a tennis match between lleyton hewit and marat safin, and later i pontenged law nite to watch 'national treasure' with her...if not for her presence and her advice and words of wisdom, i would not have been able to get over everything that happened. thank you...:)
she met some of my coursemates and seniors, and of course, she had interesting things to say about all of them...:) hahaha. and don't forget 'pada keesokan harinya'...oh how kecoh she can get, even in a place foreign to her...
i will definitely miss her when she graduates next year, but the good news is that she will still be around as she is working in kl. so, yeah, we can still continue our gallivanting around expeditions, our own jalan-jalan cari makan which we have been doing since first year.
thanks for the memories, and for the laughter...because as they say, laughter is the best medicine. and yes, tina has a gift for turning even the saddest and most perplexing problems into something you can laugh about, and then it's only a step away from solving the problem. i have benefitted immensely from this gift, and i would share some of her quotes, prize-winning ones all of them, but for the fact that they are also very personal...:P
there's a lot more i can say, this is only a beginning...take care, and i know tina will go far in the future, she's got her head and her heart in the right places. God bless you!
i first met tina when i was in first year of uni...we met at the LF that used to be held at the arts fac...she was a quantity surveying student from 'alam bina' fac and my, she talked loud and fast and non-stop, putting even someone who once won a 'talk-non-stop' award to shame...but we did get on like a house on fire, and have remained good friends since. :)
we share this love of eating and free samples from supermarkets, and one of our special joys would be going to carrefour or giant or jusco and trying all kinds of food and drink. i will never forget how shocked tina looked when i ate some Rusky instant noodles-curry flavour and then choked when the curry went up my nose, and an awful woman started to laugh. apparently my face turned red, and my eyes watered...then tina laughed and she still remembers i can't eat curry up to today...
the days when tina, drina and i went out together, i will never forget how tina got me to join her and drina to watch a midnight movie at Midvalley in second year, and that was when i had an admin tutorial which i had barely prepared for and my first oral training session for Jessup the very next day...it was Phantom of the Opera, an excellent movie. the movie watching experience was fun, except when tina nudged me midway and asked, as if it were the most amazing thing in the whole wide world, "pet, you sobbing ah?"...
and during alexander, a horrendous turkey of a movie, she nudged me again "pet, you sleeping ah?"...in the same tones. for the record, i did both of those things she asked me about...
tina is very good company, fun to talk to, chock full of humourous and witty quotes and is extremely sensible. if you want fuss-free, no frills and down-to-earth practical advice, this is the person to look for. also a great friend to shop with, yeah...the lesson of the woodcutter's son, no?
but the one thing which will always touch me, which i will definitely never forget is how she came to support me during Jessup in second year...how she sat there and watched me and horkee moot against the UKM team, and then i took her all round the fac and that's when she told me about red bricks (she truly has a passion for what she's doing, she always shares with me about construction stuff etc)...how comforting she was after we lost, and how we went back to watch a tennis match between lleyton hewit and marat safin, and later i pontenged law nite to watch 'national treasure' with her...if not for her presence and her advice and words of wisdom, i would not have been able to get over everything that happened. thank you...:)
she met some of my coursemates and seniors, and of course, she had interesting things to say about all of them...:) hahaha. and don't forget 'pada keesokan harinya'...oh how kecoh she can get, even in a place foreign to her...
i will definitely miss her when she graduates next year, but the good news is that she will still be around as she is working in kl. so, yeah, we can still continue our gallivanting around expeditions, our own jalan-jalan cari makan which we have been doing since first year.
thanks for the memories, and for the laughter...because as they say, laughter is the best medicine. and yes, tina has a gift for turning even the saddest and most perplexing problems into something you can laugh about, and then it's only a step away from solving the problem. i have benefitted immensely from this gift, and i would share some of her quotes, prize-winning ones all of them, but for the fact that they are also very personal...:P
there's a lot more i can say, this is only a beginning...take care, and i know tina will go far in the future, she's got her head and her heart in the right places. God bless you!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
progression, or regression?
there can be no standing still,
for even when one stands still,
stiff and unmoving, statue-like,
the earth moves beneath the feet...
so the question becomes one of:
is it a progression? or is it a regression?
or is one going nowhere fast?
sometimes life becomes an illusion of movement...
the blurred haze of motion that tries to block out the
ignorance and the pain, the many worries and doubts that
have gathered where it matters most: the heart,
and then lost, bewildered, too tired to go on,
we finally have the courage to ask,
where am i going? what am i looking for?
and while the answers may surprise us,
they will not betray us...for every life can be lived,
if one is but true to the self.
for even when one stands still,
stiff and unmoving, statue-like,
the earth moves beneath the feet...
so the question becomes one of:
is it a progression? or is it a regression?
or is one going nowhere fast?
sometimes life becomes an illusion of movement...
the blurred haze of motion that tries to block out the
ignorance and the pain, the many worries and doubts that
have gathered where it matters most: the heart,
and then lost, bewildered, too tired to go on,
we finally have the courage to ask,
where am i going? what am i looking for?
and while the answers may surprise us,
they will not betray us...for every life can be lived,
if one is but true to the self.
the reason why...
is it better to do the right things for the wrong reasons?
or the wrong things for the right reasons?
...
and before plunging in,
a clear, ringing voice chimes:
what is right, what is wrong?
and when is something right or wrong?
a hush descends upon the room,
but the minds, engaged in thinking,
whirr furiously.
...
somewhere from the middle,
someone speaks, softly, uncertainly
(for only experience has proven to be her guide):
"can we do something right, guided by motivations
so contrary to its spirit,
yet not have it backfire in our faces?
or can we, led by the best intentions,
do something so wrong,
and have as its fruit,
sweet and so beautiful...?"
it would seem that she has seen something akin to this,
nay, perhaps she has lived through it.
before someone can reply, a witty and sharp reply,
intelligently amusing...
the class time is up. they file out, one by one.
and in the emptiness left behind, the words still linger,
the questions unanswered. is there an answer, indeed?
"We cannot begin to know ourselves until we can see the real reasons why we do the things we do, and we cannot be ourselves until our actions correspond to our intentions, and our intentions are appropriate to our own situation."
Thomas Merton
or the wrong things for the right reasons?
...
and before plunging in,
a clear, ringing voice chimes:
what is right, what is wrong?
and when is something right or wrong?
a hush descends upon the room,
but the minds, engaged in thinking,
whirr furiously.
...
somewhere from the middle,
someone speaks, softly, uncertainly
(for only experience has proven to be her guide):
"can we do something right, guided by motivations
so contrary to its spirit,
yet not have it backfire in our faces?
or can we, led by the best intentions,
do something so wrong,
and have as its fruit,
sweet and so beautiful...?"
it would seem that she has seen something akin to this,
nay, perhaps she has lived through it.
before someone can reply, a witty and sharp reply,
intelligently amusing...
the class time is up. they file out, one by one.
and in the emptiness left behind, the words still linger,
the questions unanswered. is there an answer, indeed?
"We cannot begin to know ourselves until we can see the real reasons why we do the things we do, and we cannot be ourselves until our actions correspond to our intentions, and our intentions are appropriate to our own situation."
Thomas Merton
Monday, April 03, 2006
the countdown has begun...
the countdown has begun...
14 more days and counting, and before i know it, it will all be over...
all the best to all of you...and i know i m going to miss you guys when you graduate...anyhow, thank you for all the times and trials we've shared. it really does mean something to me and i hope it does to you too.
say a prayer for us all, and let's keep working...!
14 more days and counting, and before i know it, it will all be over...
all the best to all of you...and i know i m going to miss you guys when you graduate...anyhow, thank you for all the times and trials we've shared. it really does mean something to me and i hope it does to you too.
say a prayer for us all, and let's keep working...!
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