Elizabeth Kubler-Ross established that there are 5 stages in dying:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
and it's true that these 5 stages are fairly well known.
but it was a surprise for me to discover that there are also the same 5 stages in forgiveness.
denial and anger often follow one another closely. they are almost like brother and sister. and it's actually difficult to admit that yes, it hurt, (more importantly, that you were hurt) and yes, it was painful, because it will bring back all the bitter memories better left buried. and the pain is repeated again and again in every act of denial. because you cannot actually run away from yourself or your own feelings.
and anger comes in, with its fire to point fingers at the aggressor. the hurt and anger form an explosive cocktail within. who has not experienced the surge of anger when recounting such instances? who has not?
i have found that depression and bargaining sometimes switch places. depression is a very inward looking phase, introspective and melancholic and self-blaming.
bargaining means that forgiveness has a price tag and it turns into a barter trade of sorts. but this barter trade is unrealistic, because more often than not, people who wrong us seldom apologise and yet, the need to forgive is still present. and it does not always happen that those who wrong us suffer divine justice. so many conditions we set up before we would actually decide that forgiveness is free, or actually realise it.
and acceptance (this has got to be one of the most beautiful words in the English language) finally sets the tone. acceptance is not approval of the actual deed which wounded, or the injustices inflicted but it is an acknowledgment that all this happened, and that feelings were violated in the process. in the end, growth was all that mattered for all human life and achievements end in growth and renewed understanding.
forgiveness is a choice and sometimes it takes a bit of time before our feelings will allow us to catch up with the rest of our mind. yet, forgiveness is a choice that sets us free to receive God's blessings and to set our sights on new horizons without being confined by the burdens and chains of broken hearts and wounded souls. it is hard, but God walks every step of the journey with us in this respect.
Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing...
Monday, March 21, 2005
Saturday, March 19, 2005
the prayer of the faithful
every sunday, if Fr OC celebrates mass, right after all the usual petitions have been raised up and it is near the end of the prayer of the faithful, he will speak of 'guarding Malaysia from subtle religious persecution'.
they are very strong words he uses, and i used to wonder if it was a bit of an exaggeration. but the reality is that there is such a thing, so subtle and so insidious we have almost become accustomed to it. and therein lies the danger.
i can still recall when CSSUM was about to have its AGM, the HEP official almost blank-facedly accused us of 'christianising' other students and hinted that such complaints were the reason why it was not given permission to have its activities. i would like to clarify that it is not part of CSSUM's mission to 'christianise' other students, let alone Muslims. it is however, our mission to come to know, love and serve God as fellow Catholics under one Church.
there is a stage beyond mere tolerance, it is acceptance and acknowledgement of others and their beliefs and culture. i have never stopped hoping and praying for such a day to come. it may take some time, and may not be in my lifetime even, but it will come. i know it.
Glory to God on High, and Peace to His People on Earth!
they are very strong words he uses, and i used to wonder if it was a bit of an exaggeration. but the reality is that there is such a thing, so subtle and so insidious we have almost become accustomed to it. and therein lies the danger.
i can still recall when CSSUM was about to have its AGM, the HEP official almost blank-facedly accused us of 'christianising' other students and hinted that such complaints were the reason why it was not given permission to have its activities. i would like to clarify that it is not part of CSSUM's mission to 'christianise' other students, let alone Muslims. it is however, our mission to come to know, love and serve God as fellow Catholics under one Church.
there is a stage beyond mere tolerance, it is acceptance and acknowledgement of others and their beliefs and culture. i have never stopped hoping and praying for such a day to come. it may take some time, and may not be in my lifetime even, but it will come. i know it.
Glory to God on High, and Peace to His People on Earth!
a day out and Chopin
i just came back from midvalley with tina where we watched lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events and shopped a bit.
the movie was pretty good, very surreal at parts and humourous overall. i think jim carrey kind of overdid his acting sometimes, but the children were the real stars of the show. violet, sunny and klaus baudelaire were brought to the big screen successfully, although i imagine klaus was a bit more nerdy looking in the books. do watch it if you're into harry potter etc. really got caught out by the beginning which was anti-climactic to say the least. you will be taken by surprise. :)
also bought me a new Chopin cd, and this has to be one of the best things i v bought for myself in this year. almost nothing manages to brighten up my day as much as listening to his nocturnes, waltzes, polonaises or concertos...so much feeling compressed into those notes and the airiness of the fingers flying across the keys...the depths of sadness and poignance he manages to convey in running passages that sweep from one end of the keyboard to the other... there is joy, sorrow, excitement, meditation, reflection, peace, military zeal in his music.
i m now listening to the 3rd movement of his No. 1 Piano Concerto in E Minor, the Rondo (Vivace) which is not at all sugary sweet, but manages to convey an authentic brightness of movement...the sort of day where one gets up and has the very wonderful positive vibe that this will be a good day with much to look forward to, and much to do. the sort of day where one feels the sun shining in cheerfully and one smiles in return. not a lazy do-nothing sort of day, one with many activities and each of them pleasant and enjoyable.
it has moved on to the No. 4 Nocturne in F major. at once there is a stark contrast to the earlier mood...if one felt euphoric earlier, this is a much more reflective piece where one sits back and reflects on so many memories created in one's life. some of these memories are frightening, and can still rouse strong passions in the soul, very strong feelings that course through the veins. but ultimately peace reigns and there is a sigh of part contentment, part resignation. it is music of having made peace with the past, having learned the lessons it taught.
when i m seeking for some quiet, i listen to Chopin and instantly i feel my soul calming down even when it's in the midst of turbulence. the contrasts in any single piece of music he composed are to me a reflection of the many contrasts and contradictions in life. and i empathise with his music.
will be going back to ipoh on good Friday, and this holiday will be a good one, i m sure of it. :)
God bless and happy holidays! also have a safe journey back to your respective home towns...
the movie was pretty good, very surreal at parts and humourous overall. i think jim carrey kind of overdid his acting sometimes, but the children were the real stars of the show. violet, sunny and klaus baudelaire were brought to the big screen successfully, although i imagine klaus was a bit more nerdy looking in the books. do watch it if you're into harry potter etc. really got caught out by the beginning which was anti-climactic to say the least. you will be taken by surprise. :)
also bought me a new Chopin cd, and this has to be one of the best things i v bought for myself in this year. almost nothing manages to brighten up my day as much as listening to his nocturnes, waltzes, polonaises or concertos...so much feeling compressed into those notes and the airiness of the fingers flying across the keys...the depths of sadness and poignance he manages to convey in running passages that sweep from one end of the keyboard to the other... there is joy, sorrow, excitement, meditation, reflection, peace, military zeal in his music.
i m now listening to the 3rd movement of his No. 1 Piano Concerto in E Minor, the Rondo (Vivace) which is not at all sugary sweet, but manages to convey an authentic brightness of movement...the sort of day where one gets up and has the very wonderful positive vibe that this will be a good day with much to look forward to, and much to do. the sort of day where one feels the sun shining in cheerfully and one smiles in return. not a lazy do-nothing sort of day, one with many activities and each of them pleasant and enjoyable.
it has moved on to the No. 4 Nocturne in F major. at once there is a stark contrast to the earlier mood...if one felt euphoric earlier, this is a much more reflective piece where one sits back and reflects on so many memories created in one's life. some of these memories are frightening, and can still rouse strong passions in the soul, very strong feelings that course through the veins. but ultimately peace reigns and there is a sigh of part contentment, part resignation. it is music of having made peace with the past, having learned the lessons it taught.
when i m seeking for some quiet, i listen to Chopin and instantly i feel my soul calming down even when it's in the midst of turbulence. the contrasts in any single piece of music he composed are to me a reflection of the many contrasts and contradictions in life. and i empathise with his music.
will be going back to ipoh on good Friday, and this holiday will be a good one, i m sure of it. :)
God bless and happy holidays! also have a safe journey back to your respective home towns...
reaching out...
i remember once what Fr Chris said about the Catholic approach to evangelization...
it's about having something good, and wanting to share it with those around you.'
i have faith in what i believe in, and i know for myself how much it has guided and shaped my life and helped me make sense of things that sometimes have no answer. it is an anchor in the sweeping and sometimes destructive currents in my life. it has been good, and it is good.
so i choose to share it, but i try my hardest not to preach. it's so damn easy to fall into that hole. yeah, i know some people think i m such a gospel-quoting, preachy-weachy freak but the truth is, i m not really all that familiar with the Bible. and i would say that i really do my best to live by what i believe in, and let my actions speak louder than my words.
i do try to share His love with my friends, family, acquaintances and other people i meet throughout my life simply by listening whole-heartedly to their problems and aches and hoping that this will ease their burdens, by doing them small kindnesses, by being there when they need help, and by simply praying for them. that is all these small hands can do and all this small heart can bear. and sometimes i fall, oh yes i do, but the dawning sun means i rise again and press on.
so i m sorry if i v seemed overzealous in my speech and/or actions, and that upset you. but i only hope it has opened your mind and heart, and i m not sorry for that.
any love i could ever hope to have for any one of you came from a source greater than mine, and in reaching out, i only seek to connect you with the ultimate life giving source.
it's about having something good, and wanting to share it with those around you.'
i have faith in what i believe in, and i know for myself how much it has guided and shaped my life and helped me make sense of things that sometimes have no answer. it is an anchor in the sweeping and sometimes destructive currents in my life. it has been good, and it is good.
so i choose to share it, but i try my hardest not to preach. it's so damn easy to fall into that hole. yeah, i know some people think i m such a gospel-quoting, preachy-weachy freak but the truth is, i m not really all that familiar with the Bible. and i would say that i really do my best to live by what i believe in, and let my actions speak louder than my words.
i do try to share His love with my friends, family, acquaintances and other people i meet throughout my life simply by listening whole-heartedly to their problems and aches and hoping that this will ease their burdens, by doing them small kindnesses, by being there when they need help, and by simply praying for them. that is all these small hands can do and all this small heart can bear. and sometimes i fall, oh yes i do, but the dawning sun means i rise again and press on.
so i m sorry if i v seemed overzealous in my speech and/or actions, and that upset you. but i only hope it has opened your mind and heart, and i m not sorry for that.
any love i could ever hope to have for any one of you came from a source greater than mine, and in reaching out, i only seek to connect you with the ultimate life giving source.
CSSUM in Pet's life...
it's late, really, really late at night, and as i sit here in front of my laptop instead of sleeping (as sane people do) or cleaning up (less sane but people still saner than me might be doing)...i m recalling the year and all that it has meant to me.
one of the most outstanding events in this year has to be my appointment and subsequent election as the president of CSSUM (Catholic Students Society UM) by Fr Chris and the CSSUM members.
i still remember it as clearly as day. my initial attitude had been that of a semi interested observer...i cared but i had other commitments e.g. mooting and my secretary post over in UM Law Society. so i didn't think that i would have been able to lead the society out of the dark, as many things had happened in the interim. CSSUM was lost...in more ways than one. it was in the deep freeze of the HEP office and had a dwindling membership.
and then the day came. and suddenly, after an intense and very honest meeting over at SFX, i became the president. it was so scary simply because of its suddenness. and the changes it would mean in my life. heck i never saw it coming at all. and i could sense if was a call from God.
and what has happened since that fateful day?
i've come to appreciate the beauty of a simple life, and learned first hand the joy of serving God. it was a tough call for me, but i quit my post over at Lawsoc to enable myself to spend more time and energy fighting for CSSUM's cause over at the HEP office...sweet talking, cajoling, arguing, reasoning, listening patiently to clerks and officials who were sometimes less than helpful. i saw how bureaucracy, ignorance and not-very-well hidden intolerance can hinder the progression of unity and a broader meaning of harmony. my worldview has widened ... and i understand fully now what Fr OC means when he talks about 'subtle religious persecution'.
CSSUM at the moment is recognised by UM authorities, after some protracted battles at getting it started up again. however, there's still trouble in obtaining approval for our activities, after being told that we were to strictly confine it to 'akademik, sosial atau sukan.' no religious activities, including taking a guitar and singing songs together in a room. there's some form of irony here, but tell me why i m not laughing. it's a vicious circle...no approval, no activities, and then we get called 'tidak aktif' and nearly get shut down. we came so close to being dissolved officialy last sem. suffice to say, all religious societies have been subject to the same senseless directive.
we are still trying to get our kkd and activities off the ground, but now it's mostly confined to gatherings over at SFX, thanks to Fr Simon's good graces. but i really hope to be able to return to UM, where we ought to be able to meet openly to worship God and to learn more about our religion. as Fr Chris said, CSSUM is the oldest CSS in Malaysia, and it's a shame to see it go down.
there have been many 'encounters' and 'adventures' in this respect (HEP wise) and i feel that it's unnecessary to go into the bloody details. but call me up or talk to me, and i might fill you in on the details.
though there are times when i wonder if Margaret, Doris or Elizabeth would make a better leader, i v stopped second guessing myself and believing in a plan bigger than me. and yes, i v made so many mistakes along the way, i m also wondering how Fr Chris, our campus minister can still believe in me. but he does and i m much encouraged. thank you with much gratitude and love.
to Margaret, Elizabeth, Doris, Regina, Rachel, Gilda, Adelyn, Marcella, Cynthia and Angela...and Neilson and Nancy and Felicia...thank you for your support and guidance in helping CSSUM out of the darkness, hopefully into the brightest of light. i really owe all you guys one. :)
and many thanks to CSSUPM for your donation out of the weekly collection over at St. Anne's Chapel, we really appreciate it. also to KLCC and the support and understanding and prayers you have shown. Steph, i know CSSUTM KL and CSSUM really are in the same boat, so let's keep on praying for each other, ok? :)
finally, many thanks to the one above for His unerring guidance and His unfailing love.
'seek ye first the kingdom of heaven, alleluia, alleluia' - excerpt from a song which was sung at a very crucial point in my life this year, when i was about to make an important decision.
p/s CSSUM needs your prayers. thank you. :)
one of the most outstanding events in this year has to be my appointment and subsequent election as the president of CSSUM (Catholic Students Society UM) by Fr Chris and the CSSUM members.
i still remember it as clearly as day. my initial attitude had been that of a semi interested observer...i cared but i had other commitments e.g. mooting and my secretary post over in UM Law Society. so i didn't think that i would have been able to lead the society out of the dark, as many things had happened in the interim. CSSUM was lost...in more ways than one. it was in the deep freeze of the HEP office and had a dwindling membership.
and then the day came. and suddenly, after an intense and very honest meeting over at SFX, i became the president. it was so scary simply because of its suddenness. and the changes it would mean in my life. heck i never saw it coming at all. and i could sense if was a call from God.
and what has happened since that fateful day?
i've come to appreciate the beauty of a simple life, and learned first hand the joy of serving God. it was a tough call for me, but i quit my post over at Lawsoc to enable myself to spend more time and energy fighting for CSSUM's cause over at the HEP office...sweet talking, cajoling, arguing, reasoning, listening patiently to clerks and officials who were sometimes less than helpful. i saw how bureaucracy, ignorance and not-very-well hidden intolerance can hinder the progression of unity and a broader meaning of harmony. my worldview has widened ... and i understand fully now what Fr OC means when he talks about 'subtle religious persecution'.
CSSUM at the moment is recognised by UM authorities, after some protracted battles at getting it started up again. however, there's still trouble in obtaining approval for our activities, after being told that we were to strictly confine it to 'akademik, sosial atau sukan.' no religious activities, including taking a guitar and singing songs together in a room. there's some form of irony here, but tell me why i m not laughing. it's a vicious circle...no approval, no activities, and then we get called 'tidak aktif' and nearly get shut down. we came so close to being dissolved officialy last sem. suffice to say, all religious societies have been subject to the same senseless directive.
we are still trying to get our kkd and activities off the ground, but now it's mostly confined to gatherings over at SFX, thanks to Fr Simon's good graces. but i really hope to be able to return to UM, where we ought to be able to meet openly to worship God and to learn more about our religion. as Fr Chris said, CSSUM is the oldest CSS in Malaysia, and it's a shame to see it go down.
there have been many 'encounters' and 'adventures' in this respect (HEP wise) and i feel that it's unnecessary to go into the bloody details. but call me up or talk to me, and i might fill you in on the details.
though there are times when i wonder if Margaret, Doris or Elizabeth would make a better leader, i v stopped second guessing myself and believing in a plan bigger than me. and yes, i v made so many mistakes along the way, i m also wondering how Fr Chris, our campus minister can still believe in me. but he does and i m much encouraged. thank you with much gratitude and love.
to Margaret, Elizabeth, Doris, Regina, Rachel, Gilda, Adelyn, Marcella, Cynthia and Angela...and Neilson and Nancy and Felicia...thank you for your support and guidance in helping CSSUM out of the darkness, hopefully into the brightest of light. i really owe all you guys one. :)
and many thanks to CSSUPM for your donation out of the weekly collection over at St. Anne's Chapel, we really appreciate it. also to KLCC and the support and understanding and prayers you have shown. Steph, i know CSSUTM KL and CSSUM really are in the same boat, so let's keep on praying for each other, ok? :)
finally, many thanks to the one above for His unerring guidance and His unfailing love.
'seek ye first the kingdom of heaven, alleluia, alleluia' - excerpt from a song which was sung at a very crucial point in my life this year, when i was about to make an important decision.
p/s CSSUM needs your prayers. thank you. :)
Friday, March 18, 2005
spirals and curves...
is life a straight line?
is it linear? do we know where we are going? and what we are going to do?
i speak for myself. it's not linear, at least to the best of my experience.
it's more spirals and curves with the ups and downs in a spinning, bewildering fashion that turns the head.
seriously, i don't know what to expect in my life. iv never dreamt of having the friends i do or imagined doing the things i m doing now. or being me at this moment.
but when depression hits, i sit back, cry a bit (or a lot, depending) and know that it will not last forever. and that tomorrow will come and the sun will shine into my life. am i a pessimist? or an optimist? people have described me as both, but i prefer to think of myself as a realist who acknowledges that life is a bed of roses with the thorns intact.
there is a tunnel, there is a light at the end of it. and there is another tunnel up ahead.
(actually paraphrased that from somewhere, but it says what i m thinking so well...)
listen to the song 'Do you know where you're going to? (theme from Mahogany)'
i think it's beautiful and describes perfectly the questions we ask ourselves.
is it linear? do we know where we are going? and what we are going to do?
i speak for myself. it's not linear, at least to the best of my experience.
it's more spirals and curves with the ups and downs in a spinning, bewildering fashion that turns the head.
seriously, i don't know what to expect in my life. iv never dreamt of having the friends i do or imagined doing the things i m doing now. or being me at this moment.
but when depression hits, i sit back, cry a bit (or a lot, depending) and know that it will not last forever. and that tomorrow will come and the sun will shine into my life. am i a pessimist? or an optimist? people have described me as both, but i prefer to think of myself as a realist who acknowledges that life is a bed of roses with the thorns intact.
there is a tunnel, there is a light at the end of it. and there is another tunnel up ahead.
(actually paraphrased that from somewhere, but it says what i m thinking so well...)
listen to the song 'Do you know where you're going to? (theme from Mahogany)'
i think it's beautiful and describes perfectly the questions we ask ourselves.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
apparently
apparently people actually read my blog.
and i thought no one did.
well, a big thank you to all those who do and keep the comments and feedback coming, folks. i like to hear from all of you. :)
hmm...it seems that it's not as obscure as i thought it was. well, i know i hardly blog about what goes on in my life but it's only because i m so busy actually living it and going through the motions.
my life in 3 words - tiring, challenging, interesting.
what bout you? or are you going to accuse me of attempting to encapsulate all the colour and texture of a well lived life into short, succinct words? think about it...
and i thought no one did.
well, a big thank you to all those who do and keep the comments and feedback coming, folks. i like to hear from all of you. :)
hmm...it seems that it's not as obscure as i thought it was. well, i know i hardly blog about what goes on in my life but it's only because i m so busy actually living it and going through the motions.
my life in 3 words - tiring, challenging, interesting.
what bout you? or are you going to accuse me of attempting to encapsulate all the colour and texture of a well lived life into short, succinct words? think about it...
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
something i truly long to say.
i know i seldom use this blog as a diary but there's something i really long to say.
i just would like to say i'm sorry for all my shortcomings and faults, i know of them, i m aware and i'm really trying my level best to change, to listen to all your feedback and reflect, ponder and take action on them. but it takes time, and i try to keep my heart and mind open to new possibilities and opportunities. thank you all for what you have given to me. and again your forgiveness if i have hurt any of you or let you down.
i would like to assure all of you, yes, all of you, that i still care (it takes a lot to make me hate someone and keep on hating them...really a lot) and i will be there for you. to love, to hope and to pray and to bless. in spite of...everything...in spite of the times i have been hard hearted and stony and refused to look the other way. ultimately i have always come to see the light and given freely of mercy by the grace of God.
and for all that's happened, it's in the past, and i've come to terms with them. yes, there will be long term effects but i make a conscious decision to accept it and to see the goodness in every memory. that from a wider perspective, it has enriched my life and my being.
if i should go, know always you were loved, if not by a God you did not see and in some cases, could not bring yourself to believe in, then you were loved by a very human and very real person...me. and this love could not have come of my own accord or power...i have known this since a very long time ago...to Him be the glory.
blessings upon you. have a nice day and nice life ahead!
you all know my email and icq and friendster and hp num right? so let's keep in touch...really welcome all of you in my life. :)
this is all i long to say. the essence of what i think and feels matters at the end of the day. say what you will, say what you like, i have said my piece and i m happy. :)
-in the end, only kindness matters - Jewel, from the song 'Hands'.
i just would like to say i'm sorry for all my shortcomings and faults, i know of them, i m aware and i'm really trying my level best to change, to listen to all your feedback and reflect, ponder and take action on them. but it takes time, and i try to keep my heart and mind open to new possibilities and opportunities. thank you all for what you have given to me. and again your forgiveness if i have hurt any of you or let you down.
i would like to assure all of you, yes, all of you, that i still care (it takes a lot to make me hate someone and keep on hating them...really a lot) and i will be there for you. to love, to hope and to pray and to bless. in spite of...everything...in spite of the times i have been hard hearted and stony and refused to look the other way. ultimately i have always come to see the light and given freely of mercy by the grace of God.
and for all that's happened, it's in the past, and i've come to terms with them. yes, there will be long term effects but i make a conscious decision to accept it and to see the goodness in every memory. that from a wider perspective, it has enriched my life and my being.
if i should go, know always you were loved, if not by a God you did not see and in some cases, could not bring yourself to believe in, then you were loved by a very human and very real person...me. and this love could not have come of my own accord or power...i have known this since a very long time ago...to Him be the glory.
blessings upon you. have a nice day and nice life ahead!
you all know my email and icq and friendster and hp num right? so let's keep in touch...really welcome all of you in my life. :)
this is all i long to say. the essence of what i think and feels matters at the end of the day. say what you will, say what you like, i have said my piece and i m happy. :)
-in the end, only kindness matters - Jewel, from the song 'Hands'.
Monday, March 14, 2005
among other things...rants and jessup memories
i am currently sick of studying about the adventures or (mis)adventures of folks such as tan tek seng, liew fook chuan, halimaaton saadiah, mior atiqulrahman, sugumar and ramachandran....
their tiring and bitingly boring war on the establishment is so ... urkkh (head bent over, about to puke now...) who gives a damn? does petrina give a damn??? she doesn't care...
admin admin...there is only one person i know who lives on planet admin and has a wife named Mrs Admin with kids who have such cute names as Procedural Fairness, Discretionary Powers, Proportionality and The Way Forward...not to mention a brother in law named Criminal Law and a sister in law called Consti Law...with the brooding omnipresence of PublikLaw, who is mother in law to this one person...none other than GCC...he lives in a house built in accordance with the subsidiary legislation of the planet and has such a nice and kind and friendly neighbour called Mr Reason, who also has a house on planet tort. sometimes u can see CC and Mr Reason in the Clapham omnibus, and sometimes they mow the grass in their shirtsleeves...going shopping on weekends with their respective families.
i know that secretly the Reasonable Man is a bit scared of CC, as he is a purveyor and expert in silat and weng chun. but being reasonable, he always gets along with him. he is to most other people a pain in the ass....mana ada a person who is always calm, rational and even reasonably annoyed or angry??? i think i would like to meet him, if not just to plant my foot in the middle of his ass for all the trouble he's given me...not to mention other law students.
on another planet known as planet criminal, there are many problematic questions...and a salamander who says such interesting and funny things as "are you agree with me?" ..."more easier...mudah saje"..."betul tak,__(insert name of student here)?"...mumble mumble mumble.
i reserve judgement, after all who am i say to anything? bukannya saya ni pandai sangat...:P
planet tort and planet land have a strong amazon presence. it is the domain of dealings and disposals and everywhere there are warning signs and exemption clauses. caveat emptor...
sometimes you can hear screams, and frustrated bewilderment is often seen on faces of visitors. they get lost a lot. they bicker a lot on these planets, and the sovereign ruler of planet land thinks it's because of the torrens system, which has many failings compared to the deeds system. the sovereign ruler of planet tort thinks, on the other hand, that everything is arguable. so all you need to do is convince her...and that also explains why the laws on the planet are so messy. nothing is for sure, ain't it scary? at least on planet land, there's the bible - the old testament being the nlc and the new testament being teoandkhaw. so many authorities...sir robert torrens smiles down benignly on the people he has helped (or made worse off...like boonsom/soom and tara rajaratnam)
well...i did warn all of u, this would be a post of rants, and not one of my usual reflective and slightly melancholic entries...
i have had the privilege of being a resident of planet jessup moot for some time...it's rather far from the other planets mentioned earlier, but still in the same solar system with the law faculty of UM as the sun...
this planet has very few people on it, being harsh and inhospitable...it's been a whale of a time working with them and i m still in the process of writing my memoirs of the whole sequence of events. ahahah...there will be no defamation, fear not, i have cut my teeth on planet tort before this.
there was one king/ruler*, and one horky** and one sovereign ruler of Nickland/Nikolailand***...
and me. and plenty of potential for a sitcom. too many rulers on one planet...how can it work out? mana boleh ni??? but it did, and that's the rub. the amazing thing... though scars remain. i wish they didn't but they do. hey anytime you need me, you must know i will be there for you. the time we spent together working on this meant something to me. i learned so much and i thank all of you from this rather small heart. take care and may His blessings be upon you.
*try saying that in Malay...:) sovereign ruler also? hmmm...
** a hardworking n dedicated guy who can often be seen zipping around with his significant other...he says it's a caveat but nothing permanent yet.
***there is too much to be said about him that can be placed within the limited confines of this entry...
but the day will come when the truth shall make itself known.
stay tuned for future episodes, same time, same station. that's all folks...:)
-cue: cheery theme music and the credits roll-
UP NEXT: EPISODE 2 OF PLANET JESSUP-THE CORRIDOR, THE ELEVATOR...creepy, horrid, filled with nasty surprises every turn of the corner...
-a trailer of the movie comes on to the screen...the camera pans towards the darkened elevator, and the corridor which was previously lighted up, but is now enveloped in malevolent darkness...and a ghostly but somehow strident voice calls out ...THE CORRIDOR, THE ELEVATOR, and the camera shows the um, frightened face of one girl (the more susceptible one, also the screamer in such kinds of movies but here, she doesn't have long hair and she doesn't scream, only her eyes get much bigger) and the bored and slightly annoyed face of another girl who may or may not be about to roll her eyes. the music is typical horror movie stuff, nothing special...the lighting is good though. then the camera pans out. coming soon in the summer of '05-
EPISODE 3? 4? AD INFINITUM...nyahahahha....left to be seen....
their tiring and bitingly boring war on the establishment is so ... urkkh (head bent over, about to puke now...) who gives a damn? does petrina give a damn??? she doesn't care...
admin admin...there is only one person i know who lives on planet admin and has a wife named Mrs Admin with kids who have such cute names as Procedural Fairness, Discretionary Powers, Proportionality and The Way Forward...not to mention a brother in law named Criminal Law and a sister in law called Consti Law...with the brooding omnipresence of PublikLaw, who is mother in law to this one person...none other than GCC...he lives in a house built in accordance with the subsidiary legislation of the planet and has such a nice and kind and friendly neighbour called Mr Reason, who also has a house on planet tort. sometimes u can see CC and Mr Reason in the Clapham omnibus, and sometimes they mow the grass in their shirtsleeves...going shopping on weekends with their respective families.
i know that secretly the Reasonable Man is a bit scared of CC, as he is a purveyor and expert in silat and weng chun. but being reasonable, he always gets along with him. he is to most other people a pain in the ass....mana ada a person who is always calm, rational and even reasonably annoyed or angry??? i think i would like to meet him, if not just to plant my foot in the middle of his ass for all the trouble he's given me...not to mention other law students.
on another planet known as planet criminal, there are many problematic questions...and a salamander who says such interesting and funny things as "are you agree with me?" ..."more easier...mudah saje"..."betul tak,__(insert name of student here)?"...mumble mumble mumble.
i reserve judgement, after all who am i say to anything? bukannya saya ni pandai sangat...:P
planet tort and planet land have a strong amazon presence. it is the domain of dealings and disposals and everywhere there are warning signs and exemption clauses. caveat emptor...
sometimes you can hear screams, and frustrated bewilderment is often seen on faces of visitors. they get lost a lot. they bicker a lot on these planets, and the sovereign ruler of planet land thinks it's because of the torrens system, which has many failings compared to the deeds system. the sovereign ruler of planet tort thinks, on the other hand, that everything is arguable. so all you need to do is convince her...and that also explains why the laws on the planet are so messy. nothing is for sure, ain't it scary? at least on planet land, there's the bible - the old testament being the nlc and the new testament being teoandkhaw. so many authorities...sir robert torrens smiles down benignly on the people he has helped (or made worse off...like boonsom/soom and tara rajaratnam)
well...i did warn all of u, this would be a post of rants, and not one of my usual reflective and slightly melancholic entries...
i have had the privilege of being a resident of planet jessup moot for some time...it's rather far from the other planets mentioned earlier, but still in the same solar system with the law faculty of UM as the sun...
this planet has very few people on it, being harsh and inhospitable...it's been a whale of a time working with them and i m still in the process of writing my memoirs of the whole sequence of events. ahahah...there will be no defamation, fear not, i have cut my teeth on planet tort before this.
there was one king/ruler*, and one horky** and one sovereign ruler of Nickland/Nikolailand***...
and me. and plenty of potential for a sitcom. too many rulers on one planet...how can it work out? mana boleh ni??? but it did, and that's the rub. the amazing thing... though scars remain. i wish they didn't but they do. hey anytime you need me, you must know i will be there for you. the time we spent together working on this meant something to me. i learned so much and i thank all of you from this rather small heart. take care and may His blessings be upon you.
*try saying that in Malay...:) sovereign ruler also? hmmm...
** a hardworking n dedicated guy who can often be seen zipping around with his significant other...he says it's a caveat but nothing permanent yet.
***there is too much to be said about him that can be placed within the limited confines of this entry...
but the day will come when the truth shall make itself known.
stay tuned for future episodes, same time, same station. that's all folks...:)
-cue: cheery theme music and the credits roll-
UP NEXT: EPISODE 2 OF PLANET JESSUP-THE CORRIDOR, THE ELEVATOR...creepy, horrid, filled with nasty surprises every turn of the corner...
-a trailer of the movie comes on to the screen...the camera pans towards the darkened elevator, and the corridor which was previously lighted up, but is now enveloped in malevolent darkness...and a ghostly but somehow strident voice calls out ...THE CORRIDOR, THE ELEVATOR, and the camera shows the um, frightened face of one girl (the more susceptible one, also the screamer in such kinds of movies but here, she doesn't have long hair and she doesn't scream, only her eyes get much bigger) and the bored and slightly annoyed face of another girl who may or may not be about to roll her eyes. the music is typical horror movie stuff, nothing special...the lighting is good though. then the camera pans out. coming soon in the summer of '05-
EPISODE 3? 4? AD INFINITUM...nyahahahha....left to be seen....
Saturday, March 12, 2005
forgiving...forgiven...
what is forgiving like?
is it sitting on a throne and declaring magnanimously that one no longer bears a grudge, that the other is forgiven because of one's generosity, strength of character, among other things?
is it gritted teeth and set lips, grimly keeping on...i will forgive because it's my Christian duty to do so...such exquisite and self-inflicted pain... and is that truly what Christianity is all about?
today i came to a new understanding, and i made a personal choice. yes, some parts of it came from my Catholic Christian background, but that is so much more than a duty; it is a way of life. this choice i made quietly and no one forced me into it. i would say that i was guided into it though...
i realise now i needed time, and i would have made the right decision given the requisite time and space.
there is a lot more to life than grudges and hatred, and it takes time to heal and be able to look back without any animosity and ultimately, to forgive with open heart.
is it sitting on a throne and declaring magnanimously that one no longer bears a grudge, that the other is forgiven because of one's generosity, strength of character, among other things?
is it gritted teeth and set lips, grimly keeping on...i will forgive because it's my Christian duty to do so...such exquisite and self-inflicted pain... and is that truly what Christianity is all about?
today i came to a new understanding, and i made a personal choice. yes, some parts of it came from my Catholic Christian background, but that is so much more than a duty; it is a way of life. this choice i made quietly and no one forced me into it. i would say that i was guided into it though...
i realise now i needed time, and i would have made the right decision given the requisite time and space.
there is a lot more to life than grudges and hatred, and it takes time to heal and be able to look back without any animosity and ultimately, to forgive with open heart.
Friday, March 11, 2005
3 quarters of the battle done...
today marked three quarters of the battle done...only one more paper next Thursday...and i can then close the door on this academic year. second year of law school finally over and done.
the tort paper was a horror, and i felt wobbly with a king sized headache to boot after dropping the paper in the bin and saying a final prayer for it. i nearly fell over a desk on the way there. criminal was also terrible and then came land...ah! admin, here i come...
it's been a roller coaster of a year...ups and downs and in betweens. and i have 4 months to make sense of it all until it's time to get back into the fray.
good luck for the rest of the papers and God bless...
and happy holidays after!
Pet loves all of you :)
the tort paper was a horror, and i felt wobbly with a king sized headache to boot after dropping the paper in the bin and saying a final prayer for it. i nearly fell over a desk on the way there. criminal was also terrible and then came land...ah! admin, here i come...
it's been a roller coaster of a year...ups and downs and in betweens. and i have 4 months to make sense of it all until it's time to get back into the fray.
good luck for the rest of the papers and God bless...
and happy holidays after!
Pet loves all of you :)
Monday, March 07, 2005
days spent
days spent and none begrudged...and you can take as long as it takes to finally wake up one day and realise that your life is passing you by while you are still hanging on to the painful memories that haunt you.
at first you get angry at having wasted your time, wasted your life, wasted your feelings.
it seemed so small, such a minor thing to be worried about, such a minuscule matter it almost didn't seem to matter at all, not at all...
and then you get sad, recalling the lost opportunities at happiness then ... if only i was able to put that aside...i can't believe i wasn't happy then, the times i was doing something else and i kept thinking of it...kept dwelling on it...i was so stupid...
but the truth is that these things seem meaningless and yet, they are part of what helps a person grow, to gain new understanding, to gain strength and patience each arduous step of the way.
and that day of comprehension is marked not by broad smiles and loud laughter, but quiet contentment that this life means something to you, that there is a force working for good in your life, that above all, you are loved because God would not allow you to remain static, to remain complacent in your comfort zone...
at first you get angry at having wasted your time, wasted your life, wasted your feelings.
it seemed so small, such a minor thing to be worried about, such a minuscule matter it almost didn't seem to matter at all, not at all...
and then you get sad, recalling the lost opportunities at happiness then ... if only i was able to put that aside...i can't believe i wasn't happy then, the times i was doing something else and i kept thinking of it...kept dwelling on it...i was so stupid...
but the truth is that these things seem meaningless and yet, they are part of what helps a person grow, to gain new understanding, to gain strength and patience each arduous step of the way.
and that day of comprehension is marked not by broad smiles and loud laughter, but quiet contentment that this life means something to you, that there is a force working for good in your life, that above all, you are loved because God would not allow you to remain static, to remain complacent in your comfort zone...
Saturday, March 05, 2005
What the caterpillar saw and felt...
the caterpillar saw the sun, and it continued munching on the leaves, those sweet and juicy leaves...
it looked around a bit more, and then it saw a butterfly in the sky. it was flying, carried along by the soft breeze. the wingbeats of the butterfly seemed so distant and yet so near.
never did it think that there would come a day when it too would fly, the cerulean sky its backdrop. never did it imagine, nor connect its simple existence of crawling along and eating with that of the feel of the wind and a lightness of being.
then it felt sleepy, drowsy and looked for a place to rest.
no sooner than it had laid its body down, it began sleeping. and the dreamworld seemed at once real and beyond reality. pictures from an old life played, the limits there never more keenly felt. there was a rush of fear, it hardly knew what to expect. but the anticipation, the eagerness, they sat well with the bewilderment the caterpillar felt now. this heady blend would have tired it out, but it lay still and waited.
and the day came when it woke up. it knew the time had come, and struggled in its last lap towards the sky. breaking free of the cocoon, what had protected it all this while...the cocoon now stopped it from reaching the heights it had dreamed of. and then it waited again patiently for its new wings to dry. it had shed its old identity as one doomed to forever trawl the ground. a new strength, a new hope, a new name.
all the fear, all the waiting. was it worth all of this pain?
the caterpillar did not answer. it knew. and it flew away on an upward sweep of new dreams, new hope and the realisation of growth.
the butterfly flapped its wings, recalling for a moment its caterpillar days. and it was glad.
it looked around a bit more, and then it saw a butterfly in the sky. it was flying, carried along by the soft breeze. the wingbeats of the butterfly seemed so distant and yet so near.
never did it think that there would come a day when it too would fly, the cerulean sky its backdrop. never did it imagine, nor connect its simple existence of crawling along and eating with that of the feel of the wind and a lightness of being.
then it felt sleepy, drowsy and looked for a place to rest.
no sooner than it had laid its body down, it began sleeping. and the dreamworld seemed at once real and beyond reality. pictures from an old life played, the limits there never more keenly felt. there was a rush of fear, it hardly knew what to expect. but the anticipation, the eagerness, they sat well with the bewilderment the caterpillar felt now. this heady blend would have tired it out, but it lay still and waited.
and the day came when it woke up. it knew the time had come, and struggled in its last lap towards the sky. breaking free of the cocoon, what had protected it all this while...the cocoon now stopped it from reaching the heights it had dreamed of. and then it waited again patiently for its new wings to dry. it had shed its old identity as one doomed to forever trawl the ground. a new strength, a new hope, a new name.
all the fear, all the waiting. was it worth all of this pain?
the caterpillar did not answer. it knew. and it flew away on an upward sweep of new dreams, new hope and the realisation of growth.
the butterfly flapped its wings, recalling for a moment its caterpillar days. and it was glad.
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