Ash Wednesday ...

It is Ash Wednesday today, the beginning of Lent in the Catholic calendar. come 40 days later, we shall celebrate His resurrection on Easter Sunday.

a day of penance, fast and abstinence, a season of penance and recollection.

today's theme during mass was 'Away with all masks', and the priest (i m not sure of his name) gave a beautifully frank and inspiring sermon about how we are all slaves at the altar of positive public opinion. he was honest about his own failings, that helped his message stay in my mind.

we begin young in lying to make ourselves look better and we think that people cannot see through us...how sad it would be to know that they do know, they do see, and though they do not speak of it, even obliquely, it hangs in the air, that knowledge that we are not all we seem. perhaps they even wonder what exactly we are trying to hide. what hidden weakness or insecurity makes us puff up, preen or pretend? only we know the answer, we who scuttle into the darkness when we are alone with ourselves, we are too frightened to even look at ourselves properly, right in the eye where it hurts most to know that we are not as strong, beautiful,whole,perfect as we think we are...

until we come into the light, the strong, bright, some would call unforgiving light and begin to look at ourselves as we are...and the shame, the searing and moving from hot to fiery shame rising in our quickly beating hearts for that we are less than what we want others to believe, that we are not close to even being a portion of that vision in our minds' eyes...it begins to die down, replaced by a cool awareness of our limits and our strengths. to live in the light is courage. it is an act of acknowledgment.

to show the world all that we are, even the parts we want to edit out, blank out completely, cover up is inconceivable, some would even call it stupid. but perhaps, just perhaps our desire to live in the light of truth will push us towards being true to ourselves. that this is who we are, and we are comfortable with that. not complacent but comfortable enough to determine to ourselves that we wish to move forward from where we are at present, and we have identified a starting point...

the human soul cannot take too much reality, but i will take the truth even when i don't want to at first. because the price of living a lie will ultimately cost more.

may this Lent bring all of us greater awareness and a humble heart as we submit ourselves before God through penance, fasting, abstinence and good works. Amen.