sorting out ... part 1

this morning, or rather sunday morning dawned bright and early...but for a horrible tummy ache. nevertheless i persisted in going for mass with my parents. i wanted to go.

i didn't expect the pain to get worse midway thru the sermon, i ended up sitting while everyone else was standing, head down and holding on to my tummy. i couldn't even kneel for the eucharistic prayer, it was so bad. finally my parents took me back where i rested and spent a good part of the day in bed.

hi-fibre crackers and sugarless, milkless ovaltine and tea. and 2 slices of bread. with a bit of spread on them. just the littlest bit. the sight of the fish and veges my mum cooked turned me right off, i didn't feel like eating at all. heck, at least now i m feeling better.

today was a day of restless stomach and restless thoughts. the ghosts of the past, one of them in particular came to haunt me again. i understand everyone's concern, i know it was heartbreaking...but the past is as it is. i m not the same person i was back then. let the future speak for itself. still, there was something i couldn't quite settle, not just yet.

a walk in the garden, a prayer, and a conversation...they led to a clearing up of my thoughts. and i saw a way out. this had puzzled me, befuddled me all the way thru dinner. now i had seen the light, and i thank God. my thoughts were like a snarl of wool, and my heart even messier. but adhering to the principle that one must not stop thinking even in the midst of emotional disturbances, i persevered in seeing thru this tangle of things. i let myself clear away the cobwebs of emotional turbulence first...no point clogging up the thought process. and the answer finally made itself clear.

i felt refreshed, and my heart light again. this was a pretty good day overall, and i managed to make peace with that ghost. forgiveness is His gift to us, and it's always good to pass it on.

yes, i won't deny that i am afraid at times. but what makes the difference now is i know that there is a force greater than me who is behind me and within me. no matter who, no matter what, He WILL help me see it thru. i keep my eyes and ears on my maker and i m thankful for His unfailing guidance, love and blessings.

Have a nice life ahead!