the second time around...

the first time i went through it, it was a blur. a total blaze of images following one another in quick succession. a series of experiences that were almost surreal. it had the quality of a video game. too many things had happened that i could not quite catch my breath. the luxury of space to think was not given me…and i felt stifled, tired and bewildered at the same time. some said i had made my bed, i must lie in it. although it seems harsh in light of what i went through, i now understand that life is governed by cause and effect. i accept it, even to that of accepting the gaping wound it left behind.

but the second time around, it will be different. i have made my mind up, and i sense in a deeper part of my heart, i have made the right decision. the things i needed to consider, i considered, and i thought about my priorities. i thought about the people i love and who love me in return, the missions entrusted me, what i m really here for. i am certain that time will bear me out. how many times have i let them down? how many times have i come so close to breaking point, and they watched on in a sort of paralysed helplessness? i despaired, and it pains me to remember.

opportunity knocks only once. that’s what they say, but i believe that opportunities will come again in another form. i have learned to let go.

this blog entry i dedicate to a number of special people, and with this dedication, a profound sense of gratitude and love.

they are first and foremost, my beloved sister who has more than tried her best for me…she has been there for me, and was always sensible and strong.

siewwee and yinharn who have been very supportive and kind and mostly, tolerant of a snappish and very left behind friend…thank you, girls!

tina kooi, a dear friend who was there for me in a very true sense of the word…thank you for giving up church for me. i really appreciate it…and i have learned much from you…
immortal words of tina’s … to be competent without being competitive…

elizabeth and the rest of the CSSUM people who kept the show going on all this while. i was such a jerk to you. elizabeth, i m sorry. i know you really tried your best to understand, and i m really grateful and happy for it.

pn izura who was more than a lecturer to me, she is a teacher and a friend and someone who genuinely cares.

dr rajes who has given me profound advice and shared with me some of the most beautiful things i have ever heard, and who has taught me more about life, and what really matters.

and a thank you to my family in ipoh for praying for me and listening to me all through this
period of time.

trust me, i couldn’t have pulled through without any of you. :)