forgiving...forgiven...

what is forgiving like?

is it sitting on a throne and declaring magnanimously that one no longer bears a grudge, that the other is forgiven because of one's generosity, strength of character, among other things?

is it gritted teeth and set lips, grimly keeping on...i will forgive because it's my Christian duty to do so...such exquisite and self-inflicted pain... and is that truly what Christianity is all about?

today i came to a new understanding, and i made a personal choice. yes, some parts of it came from my Catholic Christian background, but that is so much more than a duty; it is a way of life. this choice i made quietly and no one forced me into it. i would say that i was guided into it though...
i realise now i needed time, and i would have made the right decision given the requisite time and space.
there is a lot more to life than grudges and hatred, and it takes time to heal and be able to look back without any animosity and ultimately, to forgive with open heart.