days spent

days spent and none begrudged...and you can take as long as it takes to finally wake up one day and realise that your life is passing you by while you are still hanging on to the painful memories that haunt you.

at first you get angry at having wasted your time, wasted your life, wasted your feelings.
it seemed so small, such a minor thing to be worried about, such a minuscule matter it almost didn't seem to matter at all, not at all...

and then you get sad, recalling the lost opportunities at happiness then ... if only i was able to put that aside...i can't believe i wasn't happy then, the times i was doing something else and i kept thinking of it...kept dwelling on it...i was so stupid...

but the truth is that these things seem meaningless and yet, they are part of what helps a person grow, to gain new understanding, to gain strength and patience each arduous step of the way.

and that day of comprehension is marked not by broad smiles and loud laughter, but quiet contentment that this life means something to you, that there is a force working for good in your life, that above all, you are loved because God would not allow you to remain static, to remain complacent in your comfort zone...