Elizabeth Kubler-Ross established that there are 5 stages in dying:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
and it's true that these 5 stages are fairly well known.
but it was a surprise for me to discover that there are also the same 5 stages in forgiveness.
denial and anger often follow one another closely. they are almost like brother and sister. and it's actually difficult to admit that yes, it hurt, (more importantly, that you were hurt) and yes, it was painful, because it will bring back all the bitter memories better left buried. and the pain is repeated again and again in every act of denial. because you cannot actually run away from yourself or your own feelings.
and anger comes in, with its fire to point fingers at the aggressor. the hurt and anger form an explosive cocktail within. who has not experienced the surge of anger when recounting such instances? who has not?
i have found that depression and bargaining sometimes switch places. depression is a very inward looking phase, introspective and melancholic and self-blaming.
bargaining means that forgiveness has a price tag and it turns into a barter trade of sorts. but this barter trade is unrealistic, because more often than not, people who wrong us seldom apologise and yet, the need to forgive is still present. and it does not always happen that those who wrong us suffer divine justice. so many conditions we set up before we would actually decide that forgiveness is free, or actually realise it.
and acceptance (this has got to be one of the most beautiful words in the English language) finally sets the tone. acceptance is not approval of the actual deed which wounded, or the injustices inflicted but it is an acknowledgment that all this happened, and that feelings were violated in the process. in the end, growth was all that mattered for all human life and achievements end in growth and renewed understanding.
forgiveness is a choice and sometimes it takes a bit of time before our feelings will allow us to catch up with the rest of our mind. yet, forgiveness is a choice that sets us free to receive God's blessings and to set our sights on new horizons without being confined by the burdens and chains of broken hearts and wounded souls. it is hard, but God walks every step of the journey with us in this respect.
Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing...
4 comments:
dear pet, just dropped by to say hi and hope you're enjoying your chopin and getting on well with life. do take care. thinking of you.
Dear Petrina,
My heartfelt condolence to you and our brothers and sisters in CSSUM on the passing away of Pope John Paul II. His demise is a great lost not only to the Roman Catholic Church, but also to the world. We will mourn for his departure from this world and will certainly miss his loving presence. Nonetheless as followers of Jesus Christ, we mourn in hope.
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope - 1Th 4:13
Our hope lies not in the man's great charity, though John Paul II was indeed a man of love and peace, who had all his life manifested the spirit of his Lord, but we hope in that Lord whom John Paul II had so faithfully served. As he had partake of His death, carrying his own cross, so shall John Paul II partake of the Lord's glorious life.
For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep - 1Th 4:14
Let us who are still living now gaze upon the Lord of Glory, whom shall greet all His servants when our time comes. Fixing our eyes thereof, we shall assume this journey on the trails of those who have gone before us and have now claimed their crown so that we too may one day obtain that everlasting inheritance. May the peace of God and His grace be with you and your family in the Church.
Steven Sim
Hosanna: Nice to hear from you again, take care and have a good holiday...:)
Steven : Thank you for your condolences. We can only go on in the knowledge that His Holiness is in a better place now.
PKVUM would like to extend our condolences to the Catholic Students Society of UM on the demise of Pope John Paul II. His last words before his demise were "Love converts hearts and gives peace". May we be reminded also of Christ's commandment,"Love one another, as I have loved you, that you also love one another".- John 13:34. He will be fondly remembered and deeply missed. God be with us all.
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